Diving In
by Sorella-Aine
Summary: Picking up right after the Season 2 finale. The first three chapters could be rated T, but M stuff will follow.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is my first fic, so I'm looking forward to reviews! Just please be gentle. :)  
**

**And the disclaimer: I do not own these characters. However, if USA can't figure out that we need a Season 3, I'd like to start a bidding war.  
**

"Hey…neighbor."

Kate slowly turned to face Ben, mouth agape.

"Wha…how?"

"I see Leo put you in touch with my guy."

Sensing Kate was not too pleased with the realization that she'd be sharing a wall with him, Ben continued: "My friend Nick owns three buildings in the area. I thought I was helping…but I won't deny I wanted you next door. I just passed Leo a phone number. You could say fate did the rest."

Kate's brows furrowed. "I moved here to start over. This…_you_…are not helping."

"Sorry I intervened. At least you'll always have a ride to work, right?" His gesture of friendship was met with stony silence. "Nevermind. I hope you and Justin get settled in nicely." And with that, he turned to go in.

"Wait, but…" Kate's words were cut off by the click of Ben's door shutting.

_He doesn't know_. Even if his motives were questionable at the time, he had no way of being certain she'd be moving in alone. What could that mean? Determined to set him right, though without really knowing why, Kate ran through her apartment, wine glass still in hand, and found herself breathlessly knocking on her new neighbor's door.

Ben answered with a confused look on his face.

"I ended it," Kate blurted out. "It's just me. Next door, I mean."

"O…kay." He slowly backed up and gave her room to enter the apartment.

Flushed and feeling painfully, awkwardly intrusive, Kate allowed herself to be distracted by his place. The layout seemed similar, with the kitchen area in the same spot, but everything seemed much grander.

"Wow, this is nice. Is your place bigger than mine?"

"Uh, yeah. It's a corner apartment, so I've got a bit more space…." _What is she doing?_ Ben watched her taking in his apartment and wondered at her eagerness to set the record straight about who would be living next door. _How do I read this? _He turned his attention back to the stove. Kate's eyes followed him.

"That smells amazing," she exclaimed, just now realizing how famished she was (and how empty her new fridge was at the moment).

"Paella. With chicken, chorizo, and shrimp. Do…you…want some?" Ben asked hesitantly, still stung by her displeasure on the balcony.

Kate surprised herself by her quick affirmative answer.

"Do you have some more of that at home?" Ben asked, gesturing to her glass of red wine.

Reflecting on the evening later that night, Kate couldn't help but wonder if it qualified as a date. There had been wine (albeit cheap stuff she had picked up on the way home from the office), great food (who knew Ben could cook something beyond scrambled eggs?), and remarkably easy conversation despite their rough start. _Is this what I want? _

When Kate had made the decision to walk out of Justin's apartment, she had meant what she said when he asked if she was leaving him for someone else. _No…maybe. Me. _But Ben had totally thrown a wrench into her plans to be an independent woman. As she left after dinner, she had acquiesced to his suggestion that they carpool together. It just made sense, frankly. But what was she setting herself up for? Ben in the office, Ben next door, and Ben in commuter traffic? That's a lot of time with a man she has ambiguous feelings for.

As it turned out, riding in to work with Ben each day was a dream. He refused her attempts of compensation ("I'm going there anyway!" he'd exclaimed.), so she was saving tons of money on cab fare, but her punctuality was making her life a lot easier. She actually had time to sip the coffee Leo brought her, she could glance over case files before having to meet her clients, and Lauren was just a smidgen friendlier once she noticed that Kate's earlier arrivals were becoming a regular occurrence. She and Ben rarely went home together at the end of the day, though. Kate had previously thought _she_ was married to her work, but Ben consistently stayed well past six. His work ethic was no doubt tied to his ambition, but as Kate watched his daily patterns, she wondered just how much he was motivated by fear—fear of failure, of being outed as an imposter. His finely tailored suits went a long way in transforming the ambulance chaser from Oakland into a hot-shot attorney, but Kate increasingly saw his intelligence and—this shocked her the most—his heart.

One Saturday morning, she met him in the hallway on her way to the store. "Out of coffee!" she explained as cheerily as her un-caffeinated state would allow. She noted his relaxed dress (well-pressed khakis and a buttoned shirt—she had serious doubts he owned anything more casual) and a collection of canvas bags under his arm. "Where are you headed?"

Despite living in the neighborhood for the better part of a month, Kate was oblivious to the farmers' market two blocks over. _Who knows what else I miss by sleeping in on Saturdays_, she pondered. Ben was happy to have her tag along. As it turned out, Ben was a regular. The pork and lamb guy saved his best cuts for Ben, knowing he was willing to pay for them, and the sweet, grandmotherly egg merchant knew him by name.

"Good morning, Ben," called Mrs. Adams. "Ooh, is this the pretty co-worker you've told me about?"

_Awkward_.

"Kate Reed, ma'am. Nice to meet you," Kate said as she extended her hand. Had Ben not been quite so busy avoiding her gaze, he'd had noticed the faintest of blushes spreading over her cheeks.

Seeing Ben in that environment was a revelation. "Who _are_ you?" she had jokingly asked him after yet another person greeted him with a smile and an invitation to try some new lettuce or recently harvested veg.

Things looked a bit different from Ben's end of things. Kate was always around, seemingly enjoying spending time with him, but she had made it clear that she needed her space. He had tried to ask her out after she'd had a couple weeks to settle in, but she had asked for more time. Their usual flirty banter had been pretty much curtailed by both parties, and she had made no efforts to address the declaration of love he'd made in Tahoe. As far as he was concerned, the ball was in her court. He just wished she'd give _him_ some space in the meantime.

After a particularly draining day full of meditations and her regular hijinks, Kate was finally prepared to pack up and leave the office at ten-thirty. Seeing a light on in Ben's office, she stopped by. "Will you be ready to go sometime soon? I just now finished up, so maybe we could ride home together."

He looked exhausted, with puffy eyes and tie askew and his desk piled high with files. "I've probably got a few more hours to go tonight," he sighed.

"Oh, okay," Kate responded before disappearing. She returned mere moments later with a mug in her left hand and a large bundle in her right. She placed the red polka-dot mug in front of him—coffee with milk, no sugar. She was initially surprised herself by remembering his coffee order so easily, but then they'd been getting coffee at the same stand for how long now? She proceeded to unravel the bundle in her arms. Her purse and coat she tossed over a chair, and she moved to his couch with her green blanket trailing behind her.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, if you'll only be a couple hours, I might as well just take a nap here. Your couch is comfortable enough, and you can think of my being here as moral support."

Her answer didn't make a whole lot of sense, but Ben appreciated the gesture. He had some loose ends to tie up with a couple case files, and he was done by midnight. "Kate. Kate, wake up." No response. Moving to sit next to her on the couch, he was taken by how peaceful and un-Kate like she appeared. None of the frantic worry that marked her days at the office was visible on her face now. He gently brushed her cheek. "Katie, wake up. Let's go."

"Mmmmm. Good morning." Her eyes slowly opened, and a smile flitted across her face.

"Kate, it's just midnight."

"Oh. Hey, why do you work so late? I worry about you." She placed a hand on his shoulder and eased herself up, looking at him with genuine concern.

Ben harrumphed.

"What?" she asked, her voice muffled with sleep.

"I'm just surprised you think of me at all," he muttered. He removed her hand from his shoulder and got to his feet, leaving Kate momentarily confused. And maybe, if she was being honest with herself, a little hurt. He helped her with her coat, pausing to lift her hair and smooth her collar. With a forlorn glance that was becoming all too familiar, he watched her lead the way to the elevators without further comment.

_He hasn't always been this subdued_, thought Kate. _What have I done to him?_


	2. Chapter 2

Kate and Ben headed to next Saturday's farmers' market together intentionally this time. A handful of dinners with Ben had proved to Kate that he was surprisingly gifted in the kitchen and a bit of a foodie. Mrs. Adams was visibly pleased to see Kate accompanying Ben again, and she chattered away as if to pause would mean losing sight of them forever. "You see how lovely the strawberries look today. You must get some! My mother used to make the very best strawberry rhubarb crumble. Since Ben is such a good customer, I'd be willing to part with the recipe to you dears."

"I really don't bake," Ben protested.

"We'd love to try your mother's recipe," Kate responded warmly.

"_We_ would?"

Missing Ben's significant inflection, Kate continued, "Sure! It will be fun." She proceeded to take out her phone to tap out the recipe as Mrs. Adams spoke.

Ben's confusion and frustration was reaching an all-time high. Leaving the stall, Kate took his arm and smiled up at him. "Come on, how hard can this be?" Kate meant the crumble, but Ben couldn't help but think about their evolving relationship…if you could even call it that.

Ben was surprised by a knock on his door Thursday night, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight of Kate, barefoot in yoga pants and t-shirt, and wielding a half dozen stalks of rhubarb and a saucy smirk. "Let's do this. Your place or mine?"

Ben laughed. That was innuendo, right? Right? He has missed their witty repartee, and while this was nothing close to their old quips, he would take it. They entered Kate's apartment with strawberries and brown sugar from Ben's kitchen in tow. Playing in the kitchen brought a few things to light. One, Kate's knife skills were an utter disaster. Two, like in the office, they made a surprisingly good team. Finally, Mrs. Adams knew her stuff. It was delicious. Not wanting the evening to end, Ben suggested they open some wine. Kate set out glasses and suggested listening to some old records. Sprawled out among floor pillows-the extent of Kate's living room furniture purchases—they spent another two hours together and finished off one bottle a wine and opened a second.

Mid-conversation, Kate positioned herself slightly above Ben's prone figure, propped up by folding her arms absentmindedly over his chest. Interrupting her diatribe on her latest mediation, Ben placed his hands on hers and asked, "Why do you do this?"

"What?"

"_This_." He gestured to her to hands resting on him. "You don't realize it, but you have your hands on me all the time. You're familiar and close with me, and I don't know how to read it. I've given you your space, but you have to know that you're confusing the hell out of me. What do you want from me?"

Kate's face took on a somber expression. Quickly, without warning, she leaned down and kissed him, withdrawing before he was aware enough to kiss her back. She kept her eyes on his and her hands on his chest, as if waiting for the right words to come to her. But that kiss was answer enough. Ben leaned up, supporting himself with one hand and drawing her face to his with the other. This time, it wasn't clear who initiated the kiss, and it didn't matter. There was no resistance from Kate, no hesitance from Ben. All the unanswered questions and troubling feelings of the past months were resolved in that moment. Ben moved to a more upright position, and Kate began hastily unbuttoning his shirt. She moved to straddle him, and his hands traveled down her back to her outer thighs, helping to position her on top of him. The intensity of their kisses continued to build as Kate peeled off Ben's shirt, running her hands over his broad shoulders. Hungrily moving his mouth to her neck, Ben lifted the back of her shirt and began to fumble with her bra closure. Kate's eyes flew open in a panic.

"Stop. I'm sorry. Just. Stop." She clambered off of him and got to her feet. "I just. I can't. I can't do this right now."

Ben slumped over, hands on his knees and head hanging down.

"Please put your shirt back on," Kate implored. "I'm sorry, but I think I need you to go."

Ben sighed audibly and reached for his shirt.

"I really am sorry. I just…I'm not ready for whatever this is. This is moving too fast."

_Hardly_, thought Ben, who had keenly felt the months of tension between them. After getting to his feet, Ben buttoned his shirt as he walked toward her door.

"That's fine," he finally responded quietly. "But tomorrow night, we're going to dinner. I'm taking you on a proper date. And you can't tell me that you're not at least ready for that."

The look of panic of Kate's face began to dissipate, replaced by a tentative smile. "Yes."

"And this time, you can't stand me up."

"Oh, Ben, I'm so sorry for that. I'll never stop being sorry for that."

He held his hand up as if to silence her, but she continued hurriedly, "Pick me up here. I can't stand you up if you know where I am. So just come here and we'll arrive together."

A smile played at the corner of Ben's mouth. "7:30? Let's make this a fresh start."

"7:30. Stratton's?"

"Sounds good, Katie," Ben murmured softly as he turned to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a crazy day at the office. For once, Ben had enlisted Kate's help rather than the other way around. Steve, owner of Ben's favorite food truck, was being pushed around by a new restaurateur who felt that having a food truck near his restaurant would hurt his business. Steve argued that he was there first and that the clientele for a burger truck was different from those who'd want overpriced wine and tapas. In an effort to help Steve (and really, help himself), Ben suggested the two parties enter into mediation. Kate performed her role perfectly, and the truck would continue to park during the week lunch rush on the same block as the restaurant…and in the neighborhood of Reed and Reed.

Rushing home after work (she'd grabbed a cab rather than wait on Ben), Kate perused her closet, totally dissatisfied with what she saw. There had been no time to shop today, and post-boat explosion, her wardrobe was still a little limited. Then she saw it. She ripped away the plastic from the dry cleaners and eyed the slinky white shift dress she had bought for the date that had never been. She smiled resolutely. "A fresh start," she declared to herself. This will do.

7:20. Her nerves were about to kill her, but her hair was straightened, her make-up impeccable, and that dress…clinging to her exactly the way she had wanted it to those many months ago. Lest she scare herself into bailing again, Kate grabbed her bag and rushed out the door.

"Kate! You're…early." Ben was more than slightly confused, but grabbed his keys nonetheless and headed out with Kate taking care not to walk too close to him. Conversation in the elevator and in the car was stilted, but taking her seat at the restaurant finally allowed Kate to breathe and look at the man sitting across from her. Trim black suit, deep gray shirt, and an expression that indicated he was clearly amused at her flustered state.

"I think I'm nervous. I don't know why."

Ben grabbed the waiter's attention. "We need a drink," he said to Kate.

After Ben and Kate were suitably loosened up by gin and scotch, respectively, dinner went remarkably smoothly. Being together seemed…easy. Why had Kate ever doubted that the two of them together would be a good thing? Ben was just elated that he was finally with her on a clearly defined date. Determined to let Kate decide how to proceed, Ben didn't make any sort of move as they stood outside their respective doors at the end of the night. Ben leaned on the wall, dazedly smiling at Kate as she unlocked her door.

"So are you going tomorrow?" she was asking.

He snapped back to his senses. "What? Going where?"

"The Union Street Festival. Steve's bringing his truck and unveiling a new menu, and I promised I'd show support and grab a burger from him. I thought you'd want to go."

"Oh, right. Yeah, want to head down there around 7? The good bands don't play until later, and Steve will be there 'til they shut him down." _Is she asking me out? _

"Great. And maybe you could, you know, dress down."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I don't know. It's an outdoor festival, so maybe jeans and some shoes that aren't made out of reindeer would be appropriate?"

Her smirk was infectious. "I'll see what I can do, but I tend to shy away from situations where a pocket square is not welcome."

"Fair enough. Good night, Ben. I had a nice time."

"Me too."

Kate hesitated, as if unsure about entering her apartment. She abruptly turned, placing her hands on his lapels and planting a sweet kiss on his lips. He moved his hands to her waist and responded with a kiss that was a little less sweet—as their tongues met, Kate heard herself moan ever so softly. Damn, he was good. Ben leaned further to her and she allowed herself to be dipped back the slightest bit as he pressed her close and she took his face in her hands.

They were both startled at the following gruff commentary: "Indecent. Folks these days need to learn what a closed door is for." Ben and Kate broke apart, looking at Mr. Morton, their neighbor from across the way. The old man shuffled past before either thought of a response. Once he was gone, they let out the laughter they'd been stifling.

"Well, I'd hate to be thought indecent! Good night, Benny," Kate beamed.

"I'm perfectly fine with you being indecent," he returned with an eyebrow raised suggestively. Kate laughed. "See you tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

Goofy carnival games, domestic light beer, and maddeningly loud live music. Ben was clearly out of his preferred element, but he knew how to have to a good time. Kate's enthusiasm was infectious, and that coupled with the old-school rock and roll music made dancing in the crowd inevitable.

Breathless from dancing and not a little bit sweaty, Kate couldn't remember the last time she'd had this much fun and with such utter abandon. The only memory that came close was the night she'd almost derailed Justin's political career by getting in a limo with some musicians. This night was a different kind of fun, though. No pressure, no pretense, and no expectations—just Ben Grogan _in denim_. She had been joking the night before when she suggested he lose the buttoned-up look, but she was increasingly glad he had taken her at her word. With his hair askew as always, his soft worn Stanford t-shirt and these apparently new dark-wash jeans seemed to reveal a new side of him, a side that was willing to grab her by the hand and spin her around when the music called for it. She had initially teased him for his ostentatious Nikes with red laces when they headed out to the festival together, but she'd be lying if she said he didn't look good to her right now.

The guitarist on stage shifted seamlessly into a slow song. As the crowd dispersed—slow songs obviously indicating a break for more beer—Kate moseyed up to the stage to rest her arms on the barricade. Ben followed, standing just at her shoulder.

"This is nice. Good to see Steve back in business," he said while placing a hand on her arm.

"Shhhh."

Accustomed to being shushed by Kate, Ben decided to be content standing beside her in silence. But he was surprised when she maneuvered herself into his arms, pressing her back against his chest and swaying ever so slightly to the song. He tightened his arms around her waist, mind completely blank except for a vague, blissful feeling.

Kate turned her head up and to her right to look up at him. "Ben?"

"Yes?," he responded, bending his head to look at her more squarely.

She removed her right arm from their embrace and pulled his head down a little closer. Their lips met so briefly and so softly that Kate was able to return to her previous position before Ben could even be certain she was kissing him. Ben was at a loss. Normally, he would have recognized this as an opening and made a move, been assertive. But then, normally he would have gotten what he wanted from a woman by now and left her, a little worse off than before. This was different. He didn't want to _use_ Kate, he just wanted _her_. And he'd been burned by those feelings more than once before. Rather than scare her off again, he'd remain happy in this moment.

As Ben was determined not to think too hard about what was happening between them, Kate's mind was racing. Uncomfortable with the distraction of their physical closeness but unwilling to fully disengage, Kate turned to face him. Their embrace became a proper slow dance, giving Kate room to breathe without fearing Ben could detect her rapid heartbeat. This was not much of an improvement—their eyes were now locked together, and Kate recognized that look in his eyes. It was the same look she caught when she walked out with Justin that night after they settled the Larsen debacle, and the same look when he implored her, "Don't treat me like a fool."

Before really knowing what she wanted to say, Kate opened her mouth to speak. "You know, I'm kind of tired. Are you ready to go?"

Wordlessly, Ben let his arms drop. "Sure. Let's go."

Back on their floor, Kate hovered at Ben's door as he unlocked it. "So, this was fun. I really liked that last guy…maybe I'll buy his record." She was nattering on without really hearing herself. Ben was grateful for the reprieve from the awkward silence that had followed them home. He started talking, but Kate had completely tuned him out as she followed him into his apartment.

"Want something to drink?" he offered.  
"Oh! Um, just water. That would be great," she responded distractedly. As Ben retreated behind the kitchen bar, Kate found herself pacing. Her entire body was buzzing with energy. She finally had an idea of her feelings for Ben. Unsure of the right words to tell him, she would show him.

Ben rounded the corner with two glasses of water, still talking about the band, when Kate cut him off by pressing her mouth against his. Momentarily shocked, Ben stepped back to place the glasses on the bar, and Kate followed, unwilling to let this kiss end. Once his hands were freed, Ben quickly wrapped them around her slim figure as Kate pushed him against the wall.

All of Kate's nervous energy and desire was redirected from her body to his. Her kisses betrayed an urgent need that Ben returned. Kate hastily moved his shirt up his torso and removed it, giving herself only a millisecond to enjoy what it uncovered before working on his belt buckle. Ben groaned as he grasped her wrists and pulled her hands away.

"I can't believe I'm doing this…are you sure about this? Two nights ago, this wasn't what you wanted. And I'm not going to be content to be your rebound guy, so tell me that you're sure."

In answer, Kate removed her dress and kicked off her sandals in two swift movements. Moving a hand to his face, Kate pressed herself against him and whispered, "I'm sure." He kissed her hungrily and heard his zipper before his brain was able to process what Kate's hands were up to.

Emboldened by Kate's undeniable desire for him, Ben lifted her slightly and turned to press _her_ up against the wall. He quickly moved his kisses south, removing her bra and covering her with kisses. He continued moving downward, until he was on his knees. He gently slid her underwear down, letting it drop to the floor, and quickly put his mouth to her. Kate, hands fisted in Ben's hair, let a soft moan escape her lips. Kate involuntarily squirmed as she felt an intense warmth spreading throughout her body, but Ben's hands were planted firmly on her hips and he wouldn't let her escape this wave. As Kate cried out and her thighs shuddered, he slowly eased back. As he got to his feet, Kate pushed his pants and boxers down until he was able to step out of them. Eyes slightly glazed, Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his body and he boosted her up and against the wall. Kate was unprepared for the force of his initial thrust, and she loudly gasped, exclaiming, "Benedict Yancy!"

Ben emitted a hoarse laugh. "Is my name an expletive?"

"It is right now," Kate managed to retort, breathless from the momentum of his movements.

"This isn't terribly comfortable—mind if we move this elsewhere?" Ben asked between ragged breaths.

"Of course not," Kate responded. Ben paused, took a deep breath, and removed himself from Kate as she slid down the wall. "Just get on the floor," she commanded.

Ben attempted to suggest they at least move to the couch, but Kate was pushing him down and settling herself on top of him. Ben allowed himself to lie back and enjoy the sight of her naked body in motion. His hands traveled all over her, pausing to cup her breasts and still them against the fast pace Kate was setting. Release was quick and simultaneous for both of them. As Kate rolled off of him, Ben extended an arm to act as a pillow for her head. Lying side by side, looking at the ceiling, neither knew what to say or do next. Despite what had felt like an unending wait for this moment, it all seemed to happen so fast. Ben had been so careful not to overthink his tenuous relationship with Kate, he hadn't really allowed himself to think at all. Now what?

Kate stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought. _Oh, God, what have I done?_

**Author's Note: Ack! What is Kate thinking?! ;) I've got ideas for more chapters, but I want to hear your feedback first. Thanks!**_  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**What follows is what a lot of you call "smut" around here, but I think it's rather sweet. I love getting reviews, so let me know what you think. Future chapters are already in the works, but I'm waiting to hear from you! Thanks for reading!**

Staring up at the ceiling, both with rather dumbfounded expressions, Ben and Kate lay on the floor in silence until Kate blurted out, "I'm sorry!"

"What?!" Ben exclaimed incredulously, turning his head to look at her with wide eyes.

Avoiding his gaze, Kate reached up to hold the hand that was extended next to her head. "I mean, I totally jumped you back there." _Yeah, you did_, thought Ben with a smile as he recalled the rather violent way she had pushed him against the wall. "And when I've thought about this, being with you for the first time, that's not how I envisioned it," she continued, shifting onto her side to face him.

"You've thought about this?" Ben asked, intrigued by her soft expression.

A more familiar devilish smirk spread across Kate's face. "Of course. Haven't you?"

"Repeatedly."

"I just want to take my time with you."

"Well, the night is still young," said Ben with a gleam in his eyes.

"Is that a euphemism?"

Ben grabbed her hand and placed it somewhere that answered her question beyond the shadow of a doubt.

"Oh."

With a little laugh, they both moved to stand. Just as Kate was getting to her feet, Ben grabbed her and slung her over his shoulder. Shrieking and laughing, Kate begged to be set down, but Ben carried her all the way to the bedroom before letting her go and depositing her onto the bed. His playful grin faded, and as he bent over her, he whispered, "Show me what you want." Kate moved back on the bed and pulled him in closer for a kiss that seemed to last forever. Her hands roamed over his body, and he followed her lead. Slowly and deliberately, they explored each other with their hands, lips, and tongues. Kate felt herself drowning in the heat and passion emanating between them. When neither could take another moment of the exquisite pain and longing they'd built up, Ben moved over her and eased in. While their previous bout had satiated their lust for one another, this was another sensation entirely. Ben's slow, steady rhythm completely submerged Kate in the feelings of her own pleasure. Without fully realizing it, Kate murmured his name.

Ben planted a tender kiss on her jaw. "You've never said my name so _sweetly_ before. I like that."

"I can be nice...when you're being nice, _Ben_," she responded, meaning simply to place emphasis on his name but hearing herself moan it instead as he picked up the pace.

After what seemed like an eternity of tender caresses and movements, a final wave of sensation crashed over them. Lulled by the feeling of satisfaction and the comfort of their warm, relaxed bodies against one another, they slept, tangled up in each others' limbs.

The next morning when Kate awoke alone, she was only momentarily confused by her surroundings. Quickly recalling the events of the night before, she smiled widely. As she played it back in her mind, Kate bunched the sheets around her. _So soft_, she thought. _I could get used to this. Pima cotton, probably. Lord knows what the thread-count is. _She had assumed Ben was already up making coffee, and her suspicions were partially confirmed by the smell of bacon wafting through from the living area. Eying a navy robe slung across an armchair in the corner, she hastily put it on to join him.

The sight of Kate in his robe sent a small shiver up Ben's spine. She looked so much better in it than he did, he thought. Overcome by-_what is this, shyness?!_- he managed to say "good morning," with a slight hint of wonderment in his tone. All Kate could manage was a little smile and a "hi" as she made her way to a stool at the kitchen bar. She watched Ben's back as he turned to finish making breakfast and was overwhelmed by a sense of comfort and safety even while contending with butterflies in her stomach. _How can you be exhilarated and so calm all at once?_, she wondered. _This must be what it feels like_, she thought. _To see the wave coming and be totally willing to dive in. No fear, no regret, no reservation. _ Pondering this new information about her feelings for Ben, she let herself focus on the object of her affection. Hair sticking out every which way, t-shirt sleeves pulled taut against his firm biceps, and he was cooking her breakfast. _Surely he's a keeper._ And the more she reflected on it, the more she wondered just how long she'd been suppressing these feelings.

She was jolted out of her thoughts by Ben serving her a plate and a cup of coffee. "Fried, over easy! You remembered."

"Of course I did." Ben set his own plate next to hers and walked around to join her.

"How did you bear it?" Kate asked, reaching for her coffee.

"Just because I prefer mine scrambled doesn't exactly mean it's a hardship to make yours differently, Kate."

"No! I mean, I flirted with you. I was _flirty_. A lot. And I never gave you any hope. And yet you were so..._persistent_. You never gave up on me."

Ben slowly chewed his toast. "I like to win, Katie," he finally responded with a hint of a smirk.

He was being flippant, but Kate knew the sentiment was true. She recollected that her own remarks were less true. Whether she was yelling at him, drunkenly propositioning him, teasing him, or even trying to teach him a lesson about inattentional blindness, there had been an undercurrent of something else. He had seen hope where she was loathe to give it. All this time she had indicated, intentionally or not, that she felt _something_ passionately for him. And now it was pretty clear to both of them that it wasn't just blind hatred.

Breakfast small talk was just that- inconsequential. Ben talked about a case he was trying at court early the next morning; Kate wondered whether Lauren had noticed she had yet to wrap up a mediation case that had been going on for a week now. Talking about what had changed between them was too difficult in the light of day. Complicating matters further was Ben's utter amazement that Kate had stayed over without bolting in the morning, and Kate's budding nervousness as she became more and more aware of just how much she actually liked him. After Kate dressed herself in last night's clothes and prepared to leave, she realized she was forgetting something...turning back into Ben's apartment, she wordlessly kissed him before scurrying out the door.

Determined not to let dreams of Kate ruin his productivity, Ben spent most of the day back in the office going over his notes for the next day's case. But he couldn't seem to escape an occasional replay- of Kate's naked body pressed against his, of Kate's hands planted on his chest as she straddled him, of Kate's sleepy smile as she came out of the bedroom in his robe. It was a constant struggle to stay on task, but Ben was resolved not to call her or do anything in the next couple days that might turn her away. He was pleasantly surprised, then, to receive a text message later that night as he was fighting to fall asleep.

_Kate Reed: Are you awake?_

_Ben Grogan: I am now._

_Kate Reed: Sorry. =/_

_Ben Grogan: No worries. Not really asleep yet. What's up?_

_Kate Reed: Come over._

_Kate Reed: Please._

_Ben Grogan: Oh my, Katie. Is this a booty call?_

_Kate Reed: Get your booty over here and find out._

Ben shot up out of bed. Did he need to put on pants? Definitely no. Grabbing only his keys, he was at her door in mere moments, clad only in blue and white striped boxers. As eager as he was, apparently Kate was fine taking her time. Having knocked twice, all he could do was wait. And of course Mr. Morton, the old guy who lived across the hall, would choose this moment to take out his trash. Ben turned and smiled broadly, getting a displeased "hmph" in reply.

Finally, Kate answered the door and pulled him in. "I see you dressed appropriately. Or, rather, didn't dress," Kate teased, sliding her hands around his waistband. His eyes wandered over her own attire- a slinky, shiny black chemise. _Tonight is going to be fun_, he thought. She led him to her bedroom, which was the polar opposite of his own. While Ben's apartment was very modern (if impersonal) and decked out in grays and whites, Kate's yellow walls and light, floral bedding was distinctively her.

She pulled off his boxers and pushed him onto the edge of her bed. Sitting upright, he moved a hand up her leg, enjoying the smooth curves of her thigh and hip. Finding a band of lace, he looped his fingers around it and slowly removed her underwear. He then pulled her one step closer, and Kate took the hint by placing one leg on either side of him. She sank down on top of him, easily ensconcing him inside her. Ben ran his hands up her body, enjoying the tactile sensation of the silk slip over her breasts. As her body moved against his, she took the opportunity to ensnare him in a series of deep kisses that rivaled any they'd shared before. Running her hands through his hair, she wasn't sure she had ever felt so close to any man before. Ben took a moment to breathe and whisper, "Lean back. I've got you." Kate followed his gentle directive by pulling her torso away and thrusting into him, clamping her hands onto his shoulders for support. He splayed his hands across her back, supporting her and directing her undulating movements. The resulting shift caused fireworks behind her eyes and immediately elicited panting breaths from both of them.

Two orgasms and one failed attempt at reversed cowgirl later (Kate collapsed into a fit of giggles for some reason), Kate was confused to find Ben searching around on the floor in the dark.

"What are you doing? Get back in bed," Kate ordered.

"No, I have to get up early. Court at 8, remember? I just can't find where you threw my underwear."

Kate giggled. "I know where. And you're not getting it. Stay with me tonight."

Ben rolled his eyes. "Come on, Kate. You know I would, but you're not going to like it when I'm waking up at 6."

Kate bit her lip and thought. "No. You'll get your underwear in the morning, and I'll set an alarm for you." She leaned over to grab the clock on the bedside table. "See? Six a.m., setting it now. No excuses. Get over here."

Ben grimaced, but in truth it was no hardship getting back into bed with Kate Reed...especially at her insistence. Once he was settled on his back, Kate placed a hand on his chest, smoothing her hand over his firmly defined muscles. "Ben?" she asked quietly.

"Hmm?"

"This feels really _right_."

Turning his head to try to read her expression in what little moonlight filtered into the room, he was at a loss. "Yeah, I think so, too." Kate then took him slightly aback by readjusting- removing her hand only to wrap her arm more tightly around his torso and place her head on his chest. He quickly adapted to this affectionate pose, reaching one arm around to hold her close and placing the other on top of the arm that held him. At some point, they really needed to talk. But right now, this was enough.


	6. Chapter 6

Six o'clock came too early. Thankfully, Ben awoke and reached the alarm before Kate was able to hit the snooze and/or maim him in the process.

"All right, Kate. I need my boxers now. Wake up." Ben didn't bother with a nice tone of voice. He needed to get going, and "nice" probably wasn't going to get much out of a sleeping Kate Reed.

Kate made a noise that was half hum, half groan as she reached to pull his boxers out from under her pillow.

"Seriously?! There all along?" Ben was incredulous.

"Mmm-hmmm," Kate answered, eyes still shut.

Ben reached across her to take them but found his wrist in a death-grip before he could get away. "What now?," he asked, his voice a bit more playful than before.

Still curled up on her side with eyes closed, Kate tapped a finger on her cheek. Ben smiled, knowing exactly what she was asking for and being a bit touched by its meaning. He bent down and placed a light kiss on her cheek. "See you at the office," he whispered as he got up to leave. Though Kate was still feigning sleep, she allowed a small smile.

Kate was happy to get a little extra sleep after Ben left, even if it was troubled with dreams equally exciting and horrifying. By the time she made it to Reed and Reed, Kate had decided that she liked what she and Ben were doing too much to end it, but she definitely wasn't ready to make any serious commitments. Just to be safe, she'd try to stay out of his way at the office today. She stepped into the elevator resolved to have a great, uncomplicated day, no matter what (or who) she may want that night.

"Hold the elevator!"

Well, so much for that. Ben's outstretched arm caught the closing door just in time, and Kate soon found herself face to face with the very man who had kept her from fully enjoying that extra hour of sleep. "Good morning, sunshine," he offered, as smug as ever. Kate couldn't stand it. She slammed him against the side of the elevator, intending to tell him how things were going to be, but she found herself pressed against him and engaged in the hottest of kisses. She nibbled his bottom lip, winning her a slight groan from the afflicted party. As he ran his hands up and down her back, Ben noticed something odd..."Hey, what is this? Does this zipper go all the way..."

"Mmm-hmm."

"So, theoretically, you could just unzip it all the way and it would just..."

"Mmm-hmm, _you_ could," Kate responded before directing his attention back to her mouth. The elevator pinged, indicated they'd reached their floor. Kate quickly broke away, fluffing her hair and tracing her lips with her fingertips as she exited. She walked at a rapid clip, but Ben caught up with her on the steps and attempted to place an arm around her waist.

"No, Ben," she said brusquely, swatting his arm away.

"Oh, I see. You want me to be your undercover lover," he said, injecting as much sleaze into the words as possible.

"No!" She stopped in her tracks and faced him. "I need some time to figure this out, okay? You've been so patient. Can I just ask you to keep that up a little longer?"

Ben merely smiled at her. "Sure, Kate." He seemed fine, but he broke away and walked to his office a bit too quickly, not even stopping to say hello to Leo.

"Morning, Leonardo, my Prince!" announced Kate as she reached the landing.

"Coffee and a black-and-white cookie are already on your desk."

"Ooh, perfect timing! I knew you were my favorite assistant for a reason, Leo."

"I'm your only assistant, and don't be too impressed. Ben texted that he saw you walking toward the building when he was rounding the parking structure."

_God, he's sneaky. And sweet_, thought Kate.

"Speaking of Ben, what's with him?," asked Leo.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You seem uncharacteristically chipper this morning, and he made a beeline for his office and shut the door without calling me "the man" or trying to fist-bump. Is it opposite day?"

_The awkwardness is already beginning. Great._ Kate glanced at Ben's shut door warily before responding to Leo. "I don't think so. Let's wait and see if Lauren shows up acting human. Then we'll know for sure."

"You'll have to report back. I've got a guild to lead to victory this morning," he said, gesturing to the RPG on his computer screen, "and you've got a partners' meeting in thirty minutes. Have fun with that!" And with that, Leo mentally turned himself into a dwarf with a scythe and left the conversation.

As it turned out, Lauren _was_ acting terribly human today. _No doubt a happy by-product of her sketchy new boyfriend_, thought Kate. _Maybe Robin Archer wasn't such a bad guy after all,_ she mused. _Anyone that can make Lauren loosen up a bit has to have_ some_ good in him._

Kate's hopes for a pleasant meeting were completely dashed by Lauren's pronouncement that Kate and Ben would have to work together today. Fate seemed determined to throw them together at any opportunity. One of Ben's clients, the proprietor of a small business, was being sued by the city. The business, a small boutique clothier, had a high-tech surveillance system with one camera trained on the street. The SFPD were in the middle of investigating an arson case in the same area and believed the camera may have caught the assailant. Pia Zukowsky, the boutique owner, refused to hand over the video. Ben wanted to counter-sue, but Lauren was wary of doing battle with the city. Lauren directed Ben to persuade all parties that mediation was the way to go, and he agreed to try.

They'd worked together on much more trying cases, but the timing was all wrong. _ How are we supposed to process our feelings when we can't get any time away from one another?_ thought Kate. By the end of the day, however, she considered her feelings processed. _Processed like low-grade bologna. _She was disgusted with him. Pia was clearly trying to protect her business by hiding the fact that the cameras were non-functioning. Turning over the recordings to the city was impossible since there were none, but to admit that would mean exposing her business to ridicule if not theft. Ben, however, did not care. When Kate finally drew the truth out of Pia, Ben was quick to push ahead with his counter-suing idea. But Kate thought that too rash and too costly for Pia should she lose.

Pia was barely out the door when Kate lit into him. "Don't you care at all about what Pia wants?! You can't counter-sue without all this coming to light, and she doesn't want to go to war with the city!"

"I'm doing the best I can with a dishonest client. This will work out in her favor, I promise."

"But at what cost?!"

On and on it went, Kate getting more furious by the second. "I can't believe you! I knew this weekend had to be too good to be true! We get out into the real world, and you're the heartless, money-hungry lawyer I pegged you for the moment I met you!"

Ben's cool facade slipped, but Kate didn't stop. "I wish this-us-_whatever _had never happened! I'm through with you."

Kate retreated to her office in a huff, slamming the door, while Ben readjusted his mask.


	7. Chapter 7

Kate watched Ben leave at 6pm, early for him. He didn't stop to tell her goodbye. He had done a pretty good job of avoiding her since she blew up at him that afternoon, but he was also conspicuously absent from Leo's desk, too. No doubt she had hurt him. Kate reached under a pile of papers on her desk and withdrew the heart-shaped rock she had brought back from Tahoe. Had she even meant those words she spit at him? Sunday morning everything had seemed so clear, so why did coming to work muck things up? She wasn't embarrassed by him. She really did just want time- time to assess her feelings, not time to decide whether or not she wanted to be attached to him publicly. He had seemed to understand that, but there was no question that their argument over the Zukowsky case had wounded him.

Kate stayed late at the office, unwilling to face what waited her at home. Or, at least, next door to her home. She knew what she had to do, and it terrified her. At 10pm she finally relented and called a cab.

She knocked. No answer. She tried again, banging so hard her fist hurt. "Ben! I know you're home. Open up, please. I need to talk to you. Ben!"

She heard him unlock the door, but he hesitated before opening it. Kate pushed her way in and was met with an obviously drunk Ben. His cheeks were flushed and his tie looked like he had started to take it off and given up. The tumbler in his hand only had about a drop of liquor in it, but she noticed an uncapped and half-empty bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter.

"There. I opened the door. What do you want? Come to fuck me so you can hate me again tomorrow? Because I'm not interested," he grunted at her.

"Ben, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said earlier."

He looked away and swung his tumbler back and forth. As unsteady as he was on his feet, Kate surmised it was entirely possible he hadn't registered her words.

She stepped toward him and gingerly pried the glass from his hand and set it down. Holding him upright, Kate looked straight up at him and took a deep breath. "Look at me. Ben, I lied. I have no regrets about being with you. It was perfect. I want to be with you. What that means, I don't know yet. I need time. But I want to spend that time with you. Do you understand?"

Bleary-eyed, he nodded seriously. "I love you, Katie."

"You're drunk," Kate responded. She had a sinking feeling he actually meant it-after all, wasn't he skating around saying it in Tahoe?-but she definitely was not there yet. Trying not to show how flustered she felt, Kate adopted a bossy tone. "Go get in your bed. I'm bringing you a glass of water and a piece of bread to soak up some of that booze. Then you're going to sleep, and tomorrow we will try again," Kate directed.

Ben obeyed. He was drunk enough to feel incapable of teasing her for trying to take care of him when he was so obviously past the point of hangover prevention, but not drunk enough to realize she had not addressed his mention of love.

Tomorrow was going to be a bitch.

**Sorry it's kind of a short chapter this time! I need to take a little hiatus, but more is on its way eventually.**


	8. Chapter 8

His mouth was dry, his temple throbbing, and his eyelids totally leaden. To top all that off, there was a sickly sweet flavor on his tongue that could only be attributed to too much Jameson before going to bed. _Shit. I'll be lucky if my liver lasts the day_, thought Ben, as he fought the tangled covers and scooted out of bed with difficulty. Adjusting his eyes to the sunlight filtering into his room, Ben took a moment to recollect the events that led him to his current hungover state. Ah, yes. Kate. It's always Kate, making him miserable in the most perfect way. She had let him have it at work yesterday- first, refusing to let him touch her or show anything that might indicate a change in their relationship (which he could marginally understand, but she sure hadn't handled it well) and then, when he had the nerve to disagree with her on a case, she yelled at him and claimed she regretted everything. Was he really so vile? Ben thought back to the case in question and while his methods wouldn't completely shield the client from public humiliation, he still thought his idea to counter-sue the city was the best bet. Maybe it wasn't a win-win situation, but surely they can't all be.

Ben winced in pain. All this thinking, so early and pre-coffee, was not helping his headache. But first, a shower to wash away all the disappointment of yesterday. The hot water was a pretty decent restorative. Kate had hurt him before- calling him an empty person had stung the most, but that was just one of her many reproofs- and he'd managed to get over it (well, sort of) simply by having to face a new day. The promise of another day had always been the thing that got him through rough times- holding his own against childhood bullies, dealing with an absent and frequently incarcerated father, and getting through the lean years of college and law school was only possible because he knew the next day might be better. And if it wasn't...well, he'd have to be ready for it. He toweled off and made his way into the kitchen for coffee, ready to start the day with a new game plan that would protect him from feeling this way ever again: not let Kate see how much she'd affected him.

As he started to fill the coffee pot with water, he was startled by a groan coming from the living area. Turning around, he saw nothing, but then he saw a hand shoot up from the couch, quickly followed by the top of a very tousled brunette head.

"Are you making coffee? Will you make two cups for me?"

_Damn it. _ "Kate, what are you doing here?"

No sooner had the words escaped his lips, Ben remembered the previous night. Kate, demanding to be let in. Her heartbreaking apology. His..._oh God...did I tell her I loved her? _ He frowned and turned back around to adjust the amount of coffee and water. _Negotiating this is not going to be easy. Hell, I hate negotiating. Out with it_, he decided.

Kate, meanwhile, had stood up and shuffled to the counter bar. Ben was puttering around his kitchen in a towel, beads of water still visible on his back. Kate suddenly noticed she was holding her breath. Quickly exhaling, she was attuned to some new feelings stirring- in just the past 24 hours, she had gone from wanting him to hating him, and wanting him again...fervently. But after last night's drunken admission of love, she was a little leery- _what if I can never return those feelings? What if I'm never ready for that?_, she'd wondered before she fell asleep. Now, watching him fixing her breakfast, freshly showered and nearly naked, all doubts vanished. She needed his hands on her, screw whatever complicated feelings came with it.

Turning around to face Kate, Ben braced himself. "Listen, I was very drunk last night and might have said some stupid things. Let's never speak of it again." _Brusque, but effective,_ he hoped.

Kate had to fight to keep her face neutral, and the struggle shocked her. _I should be relieved. Maybe he doesn't even remember! I don't want him to say he loves me, do I? Pull yourself together, Katie! Argh, Kate! _ "Of course. Drunk people say stupid things all the time. I mean, I would know, right?" Kate attempted a laugh, but it came out sounding tinny and wrong. She didn't mean to allude to the night she'd called Ben an empty Russian doll, but now it was all she could think about. She only hoped he hadn't thought of it, too, despite it being the most recent time she'd been drunk around him. And the first time being the time she threw his phone into the bay..._wow, I've been a bitch to him._

"Why are you here, exactly?" Ben's question brought her back to the present.

She shrugged. "You seemed...well, I was worried about you." She paused, a little embarrassed to admit to the rest. "And I locked myself out. I think my keys are in my office."

Ben sighed. "You could have called the super. I'll call him now." He dished eggs onto a plate with toast and placed it in front of her. "Coffee cups are in the cabinet on the far right. Sugar's there, too, if you need it." Of course Ben knew exactly how she liked her coffee, and the only thing stopping him from fixing it himself was the desire to get away from her a little bit faster. He walked back to his bedroom to grab his phone, hating being so hopelessly in love with her and hating himself even more for not knowing _how_ to be in love.

Within minutes, Kate was back in her apartment, rushing to get ready so Ben could drive her. If last night's apology had gone unheard (or unremembered), she was determined to show it to him. But as she was preparing to spend all day being nice to Ben, he was planning ways to avoid her...and these excruciatingly painful feelings.

The day was basically a very unfunny farce. The ride to work consisted of Kate trying to sustain witty banter by herself, with Ben either misunderstanding her (deliberately, she suspected) or answering only with "huh" or "mmm hmmm." He made some excuse about leaving something in his car so he didn't have to risk being in an elevator alone with her. If they tried to leave their respective offices at the same time, Ben would rush back into his. Kate backed out of the Zukowsky case (after all, if the lawyer-in this case, Ben-and the client agreed on a suit, it was no longer a mediation), but created reasons to see Ben and get him to warm back up to her. She stuck her head in the door to ask if she could get a ride to the courthouse (no, he was busy) and see if he wanted to grab coffee (no, he already had some). Between two mediations and a meeting with Nicastro, she spend the rest of her time sitting motionless at her desk or standing and fidgeting at Leo's.

Finally, around 4:30, Leo had had enough. "If you handle my Scary Girl figures one more time, I am going to break into your apartment and replace everything on your DVR with Adult Swim."

"I don't have a tv, Leo. And I don't know what Adult Swim is, but it sounds pretty fun to me." Kate's gaze remained fixed on the office across the way, and she put down the figurine only to begin a light, but insistent, tapping on Leo's desk.

"Seriously, you are driving me crazy. I haven't been able to get any work done today."

"Work-work, or graphic novel work? Because you're only getting paid for one of those."

"It's a screenplay now, thank-you-very-much, and since when do you care how I pass the time between dealing with your crazy?"

At that, Kate looked down at Leo. "I'm crazy?" she asked softly. "What do you think someone would see in me, anyway?"

Leo raised an eyebrow. _Oh great, how am I going to get out of this one? _ Changing tactics, Leo offered, "You seem preoccupied today. So what has Ben done this time? Played his records too loud, decided to hang pictures at one in the morning, made you late to work?" Kate's eyes widened. "Oh no, my bad! That's you!" Leo faked an exaggerated chuckle.

"You're supposed to be my friend. What gives?"

"I'm clocking out. Parting shot: there's something weird between you two, and I do not like being in the middle of it." Leo stood and grabbed his coat. "Which I am. LIT-ER-ALLY." With that, Leo stepped around Kate, scooping up a couple of his most precious collectibles and placing them in his pocket and away from her agitated hands. "See you tomorrow, Kate. Please figure _this_"-he nodded toward Ben's office-"out by then. If not for the two of you, then for my own sanity."

After a few moments more of standing at Leo's desk, Kate pushed forward. Ben looked up only briefly when she walked in, choosing to focus intently on his computer screen. Kate took a deep breath and launched into the speech that she hadn't realized she'd been practicing all day. "Stop it. I said I'm sorry about what I said yesterday and I meant it. And I also meant it when I agreed to forget anything you might or might not have said last night. So for the sake of moving on...with...whatever this is between us, please just tell me what's wrong and how I can fix it."

Ben looked up and stared at her thoughtfully for what felt like an eternity to Kate. "I don't know how to be with you."

Kate's brows furrowed. Before she could ask for clarification, Ben got up from his desk and stood next to her. Tentatively taking her hands in his, he continued: "I want to be honest with you and with myself. I don't have the greatest track record with relationships-" at this word, Kate stiffened- "of any variety. My life to date has been a series of strained relationships with my family, women, colleagues, friends...and I want to change that pattern with you, if I can. But it involves changing a lot about who I am, and I don't know if I can do that."

Kate withdrew her hands and crossed her arms across her chest. "Tonight I just want to order some take-out, watch a movie, and have sex with you. Is that not 'who you are,' or is this something you can handle?"

_No strategy, no foreplay, no negotiation. She wasn't kidding. No man could turn down those terms. Seems simple enough, too. _ He'd been willing to try for more, as much as it was going to hurt, but this arrangement could be fun and uncomplicated. Ben grinned. "Let me grab my coat."


	9. Chapter 9

"Ben, please." His lips brushed her collarbone and his left hand rested lightly on her inner thigh, fingertips tracing lazy circles closer, closer, but never quite reaching where she needed them to. His right hand was pressed firmly against her back, pushing her as close to him as possible without sweeping her off the table. They were _supposed_ to be clearing the table after dinner. Then they were _supposed_ to be getting a good night's sleep in separate apartments, since both had early morning meetings with clients on opposite sides of town. But they were only one week in to their new arrangement, and keeping their hands off each other was proving difficult.

Kate's hands stopped roaming over his torso just long enough to peel off the shirt she'd unbuttoned what felt like hours ago. He was such a tease. Her knees locked a little tighter against his waist as he trailed his mouth down the low neckline of her dress. "Please," she breathed.

Kate could not handle much more of this. She was throbbing in anticipation of him. After an eternity of waiting, he slipped his hand under the gauzy fabric of her lingerie and touched the center of her longing. She tried to stifle an animalistic cry as the steady rubbing of his fingers against her both met yet somehow intensified her need. _He is going to ruin me_, thought Kate. As if reading her thoughts, Ben directed his mouth up her neck and to her earlobe, eventually whispering, "I like watching you like this. Out of control. Frantic." He punctuated each thought with a kiss on her neck and an increased pressure from his fingertips. Kate gathered what she could of her senses so that she could tell him how much she wanted him, beg him to take this to bed. He finally relented, backing away and giving Kate a moment to breathe, but never taking his eyes off her. Kate stood, senselessly smoothing her dress down before turning her back to him. She twisted her hair up at the base of her head and glanced at Ben over her shoulder. In total silence he unzipped her dress, then pushed it down over her shoulders, down to the floor. Kate turned to embrace him and push him back toward the bedroom. The walk seemed agonizingly slow. The last traces of clothing were tossed at the foot of the bed as they moved quickly to find that perfect position to satisfy the insane yearning they'd been building up. Ben had enjoyed making her wait, but he, too, had needed this just as desperately. The involuntary shaking of Kate's thighs against him as she came proved too much. He felt as if his very soul shattered to pieces. Gulping air, he withdrew and sank into the bed beside her.

One week. It had just been one week, and she was completely wrecking him. He was losing sleep-either because she kept him otherwise occupied or because he was consumed with thoughts of her that didn't exactly lend themselves to a peaceful slumber. He was blissfully exhausted, and judging from the way she was listlessly curling up against him right now, Kate felt the same way. As he maneuvered an arm around her, he caught the glint of her gold pendants. She always wore those two necklaces, never taking them off except to shower. He lifted one of the two chains gently, intending to ask their significance, but before he could open his mouth, Kate spoke. "That one was a gift my dad gave to my mom when they started dating." Ben looked closer; the small gold pendant was etched with the monogram TSD. Her father's initials, apparently. "He gave it to me after she died, and I've worn it ever since. This one"- now Kate picked up the second pendant, another gold circle, this one with a small diamond embedded in it- "he gave me when I turned eighteen." Kate sighed, remembering what a troublesome and miserable teenager she'd been. If she'd known she'd lose her father before her thirtieth birthday, would she have been so difficult to the man who gave her everything? She realized Ben was staring at her. Though they'd been spending most of their time together lately, this conversation approached a different level of intimacy. For the first time, Kate found that she wanted to share these kinds of stories with him. And she wanted to hear them from him, too.

Kate went for it: "Why don't you ever talk about your family? I don't know anything about them."

Ben suddenly became very still, his arm frozen around her. After a pause, "There's not much to say. My mom and her mother live in Arizona now, and I see them about twice a year. I visit for Yom Kippur because it makes my grandmother happy, but we're not very close."

"Oh." Undeterred by his frosty countenance, she kept on. "And your dad?"

"Kate, why are you asking? Do we have to do this right now?"

"No, we don't have to." She lightly kissed the shoulder her head was resting on. "But I'd like to know, Ben. At some point."

A long silence followed. Either she'd crossed a line or he'd fallen asleep. She was surprised when he murmured "Okay. If you want to know..."

"Yes."

Ben sighed. "My parents got divorced when I was 8. My dad was a contractor, or pretended to be. From what I understand, he didn't have a license, never filed for permits, left jobs unfinished and ran off with the money, that sort of thing. I didn't see him again until I was 12, when he moved back in. From there, he was only around when he felt like it. We put up with his coming and going until...well, I guess it was the middle of freshman year of high school. I had gotten a scholarship to the fancy private school, but it didn't cover everything. Mom was trying to save what she could, but he'd inevitably get his hands on the money and lose it in some scheme or another. So she finally kicked him out, although I think she resented me a little bit because of it at the time."

"That's horrible."

"Yeah."

"You haven't seen him since?"

"No. I know he's been in and out of jail ever since I was a kid...fraud, I guess...so I imagine that would be a good place to find him. I think my mom could get in touch with him, but I don't know that she wants to. We don't talk about it."

"Ben, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not. It doesn't matter." With that, he rolled over to set his alarm, clearly indicating that sharing time was over. Kate was shocked. She knew he didn't exactly have a privileged upbringing, but she had no idea...in many ways, he was an orphan now, too. As Kate drifted off to sleep, she wondered what else she could uncover about the guarded and mysterious Ben Grogan...and what else he'd be willing to share.


	10. Chapter 10

Another week passed much like the first, though Kate and Ben started to make a more concentrated effort to move their interactions outside the bedroom. The second week of their don't-call-it-a-relationship unfolded as a series of mini-adventures. Reluctant to make their undefined relationship public, Ben and Kate had to make their date nights more creative than a nice dinner downtown. Avoiding the regular hot-spots, they found themselves all over San Francisco's less glamorous neighborhoods and trying a whole host of new things together. First, there was the warehouse party they accidentally happened upon when looking for a secret pop-up restaurant. The hipsters were terribly entertaining, and Ben and Kate devised a drinking game revolving around spotting neon leggings or pretty girls in large-frame glasses and how many times they were offered cocaine. Then there was the night they splurged on a private box at the opera. They left at intermission, but getting dressed up...and later, undressed...for the opera was an event in and of itself. And they certainly weren't going to see anyone they knew there. Saturday, after the farmers' market, there was the Grand Tour de Oakland, as Ben sarcastically called it. Kate had wanted to know more about Ben, and he'd reluctantly agreed to take her around his old neighborhood. And on Sunday, sure of not running into anyone, they went to all the goofy touristy places and had way more fun than locals ought to.

And one night, on the advice of Ben (and now Leo's) favorite taco cart guy, there was dancing at a Latin club in the Mission district. Never in a million years would Ben have imagined himself awkwardly learning how to merengue from a middle-aged woman who spoke heavily accented English and enjoyed pushing his hips in the right direction a little too much. Kate was laughing her ass off at him-she picked up on the steps much faster-and that just made him laugh and fumble the steps even more. Once his tutor lost interest, Ben was free to gather Kate up in his arms and swing her around. They could make up their own steps, and in fact they were doing just that with every evening they spent together. Happy to be back in Ben's arms, sophisticated dance moves or no, Kate marveled at the change the past two weeks had brought out in both of them. Ben was less combative and more fun in the office, and even Leo noted he was more more chill about things like collated copies and business card orders that he had once been so particular about. Kate, meanwhile, had willingly settled a mediation in a straightforward way so she could leave the office at a regular hour and go out with him tonight. And now here they were, doing something neither of them knew how to do, in unfamiliar territory, and sweating like they'd just finished a marathon.

They were having a fantastic time.

Ben slid his hands down her body, daring to place his hands on her ass. Kate looked at him with a raised eyebrow, which was answered by an unapologetic smirk. It was a dark, crowded nightclub! And they didn't know anyone there! Despite these circumstances that allowed the overt P.D.A., being like this in public still gave them an illicit thrill. Kate moved closer to him, wanting to say something suggestive, except she couldn't stop smiling long enough to seriously convey a dirty come-on. She laughed at herself, prompting laughter from Ben as well.

"Why are we laughing?" he asked, beaming down at her.

"I don't know, but my facial muscles are starting to hurt. This is too much fun!"

Ben chuckled. "Do we need to go? I can find that Sarah McLachan SPCA ad on Youtube for you if you think it'll help."

It was decided that, no, constant smiling wasn't that much of a hardship, but maybe leaving and getting some rest before a work day would be a good idea. Leaving the club arm in arm, they reluctantly broke apart to get into the Aston Martin and head home.

Ben tested the claims of the Vantage's superior acceleration in his desire to get his hands back on Kate's body. She had carefully selected an orange halter bandage dress, knowing it would hug every curve as she danced. It was not difficult to drive Ben a little crazy, she'd discovered, and she loved the resulting frenzy when they got one another alone. Ben's keys were still in his hand and his apartment door not even fully shut when he wrapped his arms around her and crushed his mouth to hers. Ben backed Kate against the door, effectively slamming it closed. A millisecond later, her dress was pushed up and clinging to her waist, and she felt his erection pressing against her. She deftly circled her legs around his body and arched against him, resulting in a sharp intake of breath from Ben.

She released her lips from his for a moment to ask, "Bed?"

"Couch," he grunted, picking her up and walking toward it. They both went down together, Kate never unwrapping her legs from around him, and Ben incapable of breaking their contact. Kate hastily worked on opening his pants, frantically desiring the climax to what had been a night full of longing. _Finally_. She heard Ben laugh. Her eyes fluttered open- "What?" "I feel the same way. Watching you move all night in this dress was nearly painful." _Oh._ Her "finally" had actually left her lips. Kate smiled. Lately, they were always on the same page. Sex, work, home, whatever- they were perfectly in sync. The fire that had once been kept hot by their arguments was now diverted elsewhere. They never fought now, but the chemistry that had made fighting so much fun was still there.

The noises Ben was eliciting from her grew progressively louder with every movement.

"Shhh, you'll wake the neighbors" Ben whispered, though clearly pleased.

"Oh it's fine," Kate answered breathlessly, "I'm sure the girl next door doesn't mind."

"I'll bet she doesn't."

Kate rocked her hips upward, increasing the depth of his thrusts. Despite being nearly depleted of energy from all the dancing, their frenetic need for one another sustained them to the breaking point. They crested that last wave together, and lay breathing heavily in each others' arms.

"This is sooooo good," Kate mumbled. "Let's do this all the time." Ben's breath tickled her neck as he asked what she meant. "Oh, all of it. Dance, laugh, fuck."

"Mmm, I agree. But can we start this cycle again tomorrow? It's late, and I'm exhausted and in desperate need of a shower."

Kate agreed and wiggled out from under him, planting a brief kiss on his brow. "I'm going home then. See you bright and early!" she said with forced cheeriness.

Ben had just turned the water on when he heard a knock on the bathroom door. "Can I come in?" Kate called through a crack in the door. "Sure," he replied. All of a sudden, there she was, naked and opening the shower door. "Hi," she said, with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

"Oh!," Ben exclaimed, feigning surprise. "You meant can you _come in_." Kate took that as an invitation.

Later, thoroughly worn out and sprawled out on the bed, Ben turned to Kate. "I thought you were going to your place. Couldn't bear to leave me?"

"Yep, that's it." Kate turned to face him, crinkling her nose before admitting, "Aaaannd, I might have locked myself out."

"Again?! How do you do this?"

The next morning, having called the super so she could get into her apartment and get dressed, Kate sheepishly asked Ben a favor before they left for work. "Promise me you won't read anything into this."

"Oh lord. Did you make me a mix-tape? Because the last time I received one of those, it had a lot of Celine Dion and Paula Cole, and I'm not interested in going down that road again."

Kate rolled her eyes and thrust out her hand. Ben took the small yellow envelope in it and looked at her strangely when he deduced its contents. "It's a spare. Will you please keep it somewhere? I am not giving you a key to my apartment, okay? You can't use it, do you understand? I just thought it would be a good idea if I stashed a back-up at your place."

Ben cleared his throat and regained his composure. "Sure, of course. Great idea." Narrowing his eyes, he decided to try something. "Maybe you should have mine, too. You know...just in case." After fumbling around in a kitchen drawer, he produced a key. "Do you mind?"

Eager to move past this conversation and get to work, Kate agreed and dropped it in her bag. She knew this, no _they,_ were cute together, but she really didn't _want_ to give him a key. So why didn't she just hide it somewhere in his apartment? Kate internally berated herself for needlessly creating an awkward situation.

Ben seemed relatively unfazed, though. They were as talkative as always on the ride to work, and Kate quickly found herself back on solid footing. Pushed to the back of a very crowded elevator, Kate's hand found Ben's. She felt him turn toward her, but she just laced her fingers through his and smiled. Ben smiled back at her, but his eyes were questioning. They had agreed that whatever they were to each other (or did with each other) was strictly for after-hours. This was the first time Kate had indicated any fondness for him whatsoever in the office. Ben hoped this was a turning point. He had been telling himself that these past two weeks were perfect, but he was finding their agreed-upon arrangement more difficult with each passing day. The nights were so easy, but her refusal to talk about anything other than work in the daylight hours was growing tiresome. He knew she had to feel something for him, but at this rate she would never vocalize it. And it was growing harder and harder to keep his own mouth shut.

He wanted to take her aside and ask her what that elevator hand-holding was all about, but from the moment they arrived at their floor, she was flitting from one place to the next. At 6:30, her day finally wound down, and she found Ben before he could find her. "Good evening, Benny," she sweetly offered from his doorway. Getting up from his couch and placing his laptop down, he sat on the edge of his desk and folded his arms.

"What madness have you been up to all day? I haven't seen you at all."

She approached him and crossed her arms behind his neck. Bringing her face close to his, she whispered, "Did you miss me?"

Ben placed his hands on the small of her back, but not without looking at her curiously first.

"Everyone's gone home," she answered, reading the look in his eyes.

_Oh. That's all it is_, he thought. _We're no closer to a real relationship- she's just toying with crossing that line_, he decided with resignation.

"How about Chinese for dinner? I am craving some lo mein."

Ben sighed. "Sounds good." Some day, he would want more than this. And that scared him more than it could possibly scare Kate.


	11. Chapter 11

Ben was having a very sexy dream. He imagined Kate's lips were wrapped around his cock. She was remarkably talented at oral sex- she did this thing with her tongue- _Oh God, that was the thing_...Ben's eyes flew open. _Wow. What a way to wake up_. "Good morning to you, too," he muttered.

Kate slowly shifted and climbed up his body, sinking down onto him before moving to a more upright position. "I thought that would be a nice way to start a Monday," she smiled, leaning back and bracing herself by placing her hands behind her just above his knees.

"How thoughtful," he returned with a smirk.

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we'd gone home together the night we met?"

"Nothing to wonder about."

"Hmm?"

Ben gripped her hips tightly and slammed up into her. "I'd have fucked you senseless. Like this." He forced her chest closer to his and rolled them both over. Kate couldn't contain a laugh, but it quickly turned into a low moan.

Two weeks of nearly constant attention from Ben, and Kate still could not get enough. They just fit so right together, and working next to him all day was the most exquisite torture- it made her crave him even more. Now that there was something good to look forward to at the end of the work day, Kate found she was so much more focused, more efficient even, with her mediations. She hardly needed her regular daily intake of caffeine anymore, high as she was on what she had with him.

Just the same, she wanted to be cautious. She knew he cared deeply for her, and she didn't want to screw this up by admitting her own feelings were less than certain. As soon as she'd caught her breath from their morning diversion, Kate moved to escape.

"No, Kate, stay with me. You've got at least half an hour before you need to get up."

But Kate was already putting on last night's clothes. "Sorry. Not today."

"I'm starting to think you're just using me for sex," he quipped.

Kate decided not to answer that. She was affixing her bra when Ben, rather disgruntled, left the comfort of the bed to stand directly in the way of the door. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he looked her squarely in the eye.

"Look at me. I'm serious."

Kate snickered. "I'm sorry, I can't take you seriously when you're not wearing pants."

Ben grinned. "You didn't seem to have that problem last night...or this morning."

Kate placed her hands on her hips and looked up at him with an unamused expression. "Let me go, Ben."

"No. I mean it. We've spent every night together for the past two weeks. This either is something or it isn't. You need to decide what you want...because I know what I want."

Kate studied him. He really was serious. She should have known their "understanding" wouldn't last forever, and he was right that she didn't-or couldn't-let them have much time apart these past two weeks. She took a deep breath. "Fine. But I need some time away from you to think about this...errr...us. Give me this week. We can't see each other at all- except for work, of course. And maybe we shouldn't commute together, either. Give me some space to think, and we'll talk Friday. Fair?" She had practically raced through the words.

"It's a plan. Have fun finding a taxi!" He released her and stepped back. Ben didn't know if he could last without her until Friday, and the realization both exhilarated and terrified him. He only hoped she'd come to a similar conclusion.

"Okay then." Kate pulled her blouse over her head and made a move to kiss him good-bye out of habit but stopped herself when he pulled away.

"This is your plan, Katie."

"Right. I know. Ben?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you." As Kate walked out the door, she had a terrible sinking feeling and couldn't determine why.


	12. Chapter 12

For the third night in a row, Kate tossed and turned for hours before finding sleep. The week apart was her idea, and she still thought it was a good one, but she didn't intend for it to be such a struggle. She'd gotten used to having him next to her as she fell asleep, to waking up to coffee and a kiss on the cheek, to bantering with him on the way to work. She missed the feeling of his hand in hers, whether an innocent squeeze in the elevator or a firm grasp when reaching their peak. When he had accused her using him for sex (jokingly, she hoped), it threw her for a loop. It _was_ mind-blowingly good. He was the best she'd ever had, and it would be easy to believe that was reason enough for spending so much time with him. But then she thought about the way he'd take up cases she felt passionate about, their regular breakfast "dates," that night he surprised her with salsa dancing. They had fun together because they understood each other. As much as he confused and infuriated her sometimes, ultimately she was just comfortable being with him. And she knew he cared about her- there was never any doubt about that.

When Kate awoke Thursday morning, she was ready for the conversation they'd scheduled for Friday night. She didn't want to wait another day to tell him that this was a real relationship and that she wasn't scared to announce it to anyone who'd listen. She practically skipped to the shower, did a little dance while having a croissant and coffee, and was knocking on his door mere moments after she had jumped out of bed. Ben opened the door in pajamas- obviously he'd been getting as little sleep as she had, she thought.

"Good morning! Can we talk?"

"Now's not really ideal, could we-" Ben was interrupted by a woman's voice coming from the direction of the kitchen. A lithe blonde walked through Kate's line of vision and put a hand on Ben's shoulder. "It's okay! I was just going to get in the shower in a minute, anyway!"

Kate's eyes widened and jaw locked. "Nevermind." Heart racing, she turned to go.

"Kate, wait!" Ben grabbed her by the arm.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion," she spat at him, fighting back tears.

"No, Kate, she's my cousin."

"What?"

"It's a long story. She was passing through town late last night and needed a place to crash. Come in and say hello. I'll fix you some coffee and we can ride in to work together. Okay?"

Kate tried to regulate her breathing as he steered her into his apartment. "Okay."

The perky young blonde was sitting on a bar stool drinking orange juice. She was pretty and Kate was still feeling suspicious. Rooted to the spot, she wouldn't come any closer. Ben noticed her reticence and it made him nervous. God knows what she had thought when she heard a woman in his apartment. Ben stammered out the introductions. "Rachel, this is, uh, Kate...my...neighbor."

Kate glared at him.

"Nice to meet you, Kate!" bubbled Rachel.

"Likewise. I've got to go." Kate spun around and raced to the elevator. His _NEIGHBOR_?! Was that the best he could do?

Ben was not thrilled at the prospect of seeing Kate at work. Even after he had explained the situation that morning, she still seemed angry. _She couldn't really be mad about Rachel, could she?_ Sure, another woman sleeping on his couch might annoy her and arouse suspicion, but not when it was a family member. _I'll never figure out how that woman's mind works_, thought Ben. As he reached the landing, he greeted Leo.

"Fancy Yancy, good day to you!" _Ugh, not this again. _He couldn't remember how it had come up in conversation, but Ben somehow had the misfortune of divulging the number of pocket squares in his collection. Twenty-two. For some reason, this seemed extravagant and especially hilarious to Leo. Ben had been dealing with teasing from Leo and Kate for days when Leo hit upon the perfect joke-a rhyming nickname. At first, Ben had been a good sport, but now he hated it.

"Leo, that nickname stopped being funny weeks ago." Ben was about to turn to go into his office, but seeing Kate at her desk, he decided to check in.

"Hi. Did you come over for a reason this morning? I thought you wanted to be on a complete break until tomorrow," he said in hushed tones, shutting the door behind him.

Had Kate been a cartoon character, Ben would have seen steam coming out of her ears. "Your NEIGHBOR? NEIGHBOR?! Is that what you call all the women you sleep with?!"

Ben was stunned. The silence after her explosion was painful.

"Yep, the whole office heard that!" came Leo's voice through the glass partition.

Kate shamefacedly looked down at her desk. Having no clue how to proceed, Ben turned on his heels and walked out, shutting Kate's door quietly, but firmly, behind him.


	13. Chapter 13

Kate spent the morning processing her feelings, which led to her spacing out during a mediation. She was having trouble reconciling the anger she felt at Ben that morning with the affection that surged through her now when they passed each other in halls of the office. Faced that morning with the idea that Ben might have been with someone else, she was clearly jealous. But mixed with that anger was something else...hurt. And that's what scared her. She didn't want to give anyone that sort of power- the power to hurt her or make her feel vulnerable. Yet here she was, completely undone by a simple misunderstanding. It surprised her to realize just how much she cared for him, how much she'd missed him this week. And it hadn't even been a full seven days, just three! It was too soon to call this love, wasn't it? After all, she was looking at apartments with Justin just two months ago. Yet she couldn't imagine spending another day without Ben. She didn't want to. She tried to pinpoint the exact moment she started to fall for him. He seemed to have sneaked up on her. Was it their first kiss? No, it was earlier in the Farran case, when he went to court knowing it was hopeless. And maybe she even had feelings for him when he opened up to her about his fiancee cheating on him...and of course there was undeniable chemistry between them before even that. Hadn't she been willing to go home with him the night they first met? And wasn't she ready for him when she asked him to stay after having too much (but not _that_much) to drink? Good lord, she'd been trying to sleep with him well before she knew she liked him.

"Hey. Are you still irrationally mad at me?"

Kate was startled out of her ruminations by the man himself. She stood up behind her desk in an effort to gain some composure. "No, I'm sorry. It was a stupid mistake on my part. And you know, even if my assumption was correct, we've never had that conversation. We never said we'd be exclusive, so..."

"You can't be serious. I don't want to see anyone else, and even if I did, when would I have had the time?"

"Right, I just meant-"

"What are you doing for lunch? Let's talk somewhere else."

Kate took a deep breath. This was it. The relationship discussion she'd been avoiding for the past few weeks was going to happen now. There was no point in waiting another day.

They walked out the building to a small plaza around the corner. Ben was confused and more than a tiny bit annoyed by Kate's insinuation that he could even think of being with anyone else. Didn't she know she had him wrapped around her little finger? He wanted her and only her, and that had been the case for months now. If she thought otherwise, maybe this whole arrangement had been a bad idea. This wasn't convenient and meaningless sex to him- far from it. He had thought they were on the same page lately, but her current posture and attitude-_she's so fidgety, she won't even look at me_-didn't bode well.

After picking up their lunch from a hot dog vendor, they found a bench. Neither really felt like eating- finally they decided to break the tense silence.

"Ben, I-"

"No, let me go first."

Kate forced herself to meet his gaze. She hoped whatever she heard next didn't change what she needed to say to him.

"I need you to know that, no matter how ill-defined our relationship-this _thing_-" he gestured between the two of them, "may be, I would never cheat on you. We've both been hurt that way, and I would never do anything to jeopardize being with you. I would never be so careless with your heart. And now I need to tell you something that quite frankly I've known for a long time, and I think you probably know it, too, but you won't want to hear it..."

Kate guessed what was coming next, and she wanted to beat him to it. "I love you," she blurted out.

Though Ben's mouth was open, no words were coming out.

She continued: "I think maybe I've been in love with you for a while, but I didn't want to recognize it. I'm not scared anymore, though. I just want us to be...us." Seeing that Ben was still speechless, she placed a hand on his arm and asked "Is that all right with you?"

"You_ love_ me?"

Kate smiled. "That's what I said."

This was not what Ben was expecting. He thought maybe she'd want to call it quits, propose an open relationship, anything but that. Anything but return the feelings he'd been struggling with for so long. He leaned in for a kiss, first whispering against her lips, "I love you, too, Katie."

"So can I please ask that the next time you have to introduce me to someone, you call me something other than your neighbor?" asked Kate with a laughing lilt to her voice.

"Aw, Katie, you want to be my girlfriend," he teased.

She delivered a light punch to his side. "I have to get back to the office for an appointment. Try to get a hold of yourself." She stood and grabbed her uneaten lunch to take back with her.

Ben checked his watch. "I need to start heading to court. But I'll be back later- I can drive you home."

"Will Rachel still be there?"

"Yeah, she's going to head out early tomorrow morning. She's driving up to see some friends in Portland."

Kate desperately wanted to be nice to the girl since she'd had such violent-though fleeting-thoughts about this morning. "Maybe we could all go out for dinner or something?"

Ben stood and held her hand. "Sure. See you later." He was sure they looked like idiots to any passer-by, the way they were smiling at each other, quiet and unmoving. Finally he started to break away and walk in the opposite direction of Reed and Reed. "Bye, Kate."

"Bye!" she yelled to his retreating figure. He turned around to look at Katie-_his_ Kate- once more. She grinned and shouted, "I love you, fancy Yancy!" He rolled his eyes and shook his head. He had no clue what he was doing, but he was certain he'd like it.

Ben returned to Reed and Reed around 5:30. After nodding to Leo, he looked in at Kate. "Ready to go?"

Smiling the same inane smile they'd both been wearing since lunch, she rose to meet him. Grabbing his hand gleefully, she began to lead them down the stairs. "Oh, goodnight Leo!," she called, turning to look over her shoulder. "Yeah, 'night Leo," called Ben. Turning back to each other, they started discussing options for dinner. Neither noticed the incredulous expression spreading over Leo's face. If the circus came to town with Ben's partnership in the firm, the show was just now getting underway.


	14. Chapter 14

Friday morning, Kate returned from a mediation to find a strange form on her desk. A neon pink arrow was stuck to a signature line at the bottom, as was a post-it in Leo's handwriting instructing Kate to take it to Lauren ASAP. "Leo," Kate called, "what is this and why do I have to sign it?" Glancing back down at the page, Kate noticed one signature already there- Ben's.

Leo entered Kate's office, asking "What is what?" a little too innocently.

"You know what. What's this form?"

"Did you bother to look at it, Kate?"

"I did, I've just never seen it before."

Leo heaved a sigh and looked skyward. "I have to do everything around here, don't I?" He looked back at Kate as if severely disappointed in her. "That-" he pointed at the sheet on her desk'- "is a Workplace Relationship Disclosure form, required by HR. I took the liberty of giving it to Ben this morning, and now it's your turn."

Kate looked askance. "Really? I have to fill out a form because I'm dating someone?"

"Not just someone. A co-worker. Having this on file is mandatory. Something about preventing sexual harassment claims."

"But why do I have to submit it to Lauren?"

Leo shrugged. "That's the rule. She's the managing partner, so I guess she gets to give all the firm's couples her blessing."

Kate sighed and signed it. Extending the paper to Leo, she was going to ask him to forward it to Lauren, but he was already shaking his head. "Nope, you have to actually take it to her so she can initial it." Before Kate could protest, he added, "The rule."

Kate rolled her eyes. This change in relationship status was already creating a headache. She didn't want to go announce who she was sleeping with to her boss and step-mother. Next partners' meeting, she was going to suggest scrapping this policy. Begrudgingly, she strode into Lauren's office and placed the form directly in front of her. "There. I think this is stupid, but here it is anyway."

Lauren frowned at Kate and picked up the paper. "What is this? Oh. Oh! All right, then."

Kate was stumped. "That's it? 'All right, then.' You're not going to make a snide remark?"

"Why would I do that Kate? I don't care what you two do in your spare time. I am curious, though...where did you find this form?"

"HR requires it, Lauren."

"I don't think I've seen one in ages, though. No one really turns these things in...and why on earth did you bring it to me?"

"Leo said-" _LEO! _Kate was going to kill him. "You know what, Lauren, nevermind. Send it to HR, don't send it, I don't care. Glad we had this chat."

Leo managed to be on the phone, at the copier, or otherwise unavailable for Kate to murder for the rest of the day. And luckily for him, Kate's homicidal urges were overtaken fairly quickly by her eagerness for five o'clock.

Friday evening was slow in arriving. Kate and Ben had taken Rachel out to dinner the previous night, during which time Ben was careful to explain he had simply misspoken that morning, and that he and Kate were dating (and also neighbors). Their first real, public date wouldn't happen until tonight, however, and neither could wait. Finally, it was time to leave the office. Kate and Ben exited their offices at the exact same moment, both ready to get the evening started. Kate had a new dress to wear, Ben had made dinner reservations, and their anticipation of the evening filled them with an vibrant energy nearly equivalent to first-date jitters. Luckily, they were far past a first date- this was a declaration, to themselves and anyone else who might see.

Kate wanted plenty of time to get ready, but she knew they had other business to take care of first. As Ben unlocked the door to his apartment, she couldn't resist pressing herself to his back and running her hands along the front of his suit. Once inside, their bodies locked together as if magnetized. Ben combed his fingers through her hair and fastened his lips to hers. He savored her, exploring her mouth with his tongue as if for the first time. _She always tastes like coffee and sugar_, he thought, and he had missed it. Kate broke away first, looking at him in a new way: serene, but also piercing. He shed his jacket, then his tie, and she slowly began to remove her skinny belt and slacks. Calmly, deliberately, she reached out and began to unbutton his shirt.

Why did today feel different? She had made this same motion so many times before...how could one word change even this simple action? But it had. She paused and locked eyes with him. "Ben?" "Hmm?" "I love you." For a brief moment, all either of them could do was contemplate one another. In reply, Ben kissed her, tenderly and longingly, before scooping her up and carrying her off to the bedroom.

It was their first night together, all over again. Slowly and exhaustively, they covered each other completely with passion. Every soft curve met a firm plane, no inch untouched, unkissed. When Ben finally slid into her, it was sublime. Together, they felt complete. With a hand clenching her buttock and his mouth on her breast, Kate understood the difference more clearly- this was making love. With that one word uttered between them, there was now a mutual understanding, a trust and adoration that didn't need explanation. They could revel in the pleasure of each other without concern over what would happen next, or what words might need to be spoken.

After, they lay in complete silence for a while, content to simply be. Kate lazily traced his collarbone and placed a kiss on his neck. "Sometimes I think you know my body better almost better than I do," she murmured.

"I'm willing to devote my life to the study of it so that I do," he returned breezily. Kate laughed.

It was with great reluctance that Kate retreated to her apartment to get ready for their date. It seemed silly to want to go out to dinner so badly, but sneaking around in other parts of town, though fun, reminded Ben of the contingency of their relationship. Together they had decided on a popular restaurant with a swanky bar, a place they could possibly run into someone. The plan was for this dinner to mark a significant departure from their previous nights out together and indicate a new stage of their relationship.

As Ben sat across from Kate, contemplating the difficulties of navigating their relationship as both partners and neighbors with this newly added dimension, he was struck how genuinely happy she looked. Kate was practically sparkling. Of course, the dress she was wearing might have been blinding him a little. Kate had selected it carefully- it was deep plum (a color she knew suited her) with a low scoop back. When she had returned to Ben's after getting dressed, she had found him in a purple shirt (_This man owns way too much violet_, she laughed to herself.) and made him change. "It's bad enough if we're all cute and couple-y. We can't match, too!" she had reasoned. Ben had amiably changed to gray, but not before rolling his eyes at her.

But now he realized she had a point. Incapable of being apart the distance of a table for two, they each rested an arm on the table and allowed their fingers to intertwine. _This is what it's like to be happy, to be in love and loved back_. Ben had forgotten.

At that moment, he was awakened from his revery by Kate's attempt to extricate her hand. He pulled her back with a silent, questioning look. Was she already having second thoughts?

A voice at his shoulder cleared up his confusion. "Hello, Kate. Grogan. Meeting a client?" Of course they would run into Justin tonight. Perfect.

Ben declined to answer, wondering how Kate would handle it. She shot Justin a friendly smile. "No."

The pause that followed was cringe-inducing, mainly because Justin did not appear to follow. "It's good to see you, Kate." He meant it- Justin worried about how Kate would adjust to living alone after having so much upheaval in her life these past two years. "Well, I'm meeting up with a few ADAs at the bar. See you around." It wasn't until he made to leave that Justin noticed Kate's hand clasped in Ben's. He carried the image with him to the bar, denying the possibility that it meant anything significant.

But even while enjoying drinks with his colleagues, Justin's thoughts returned to the two of them, seated just across the room. He had once had his suspicions about them, but Kate had made it pretty clear she detested Ben, at best tolerated him. Hadn't she?

Ben and Kate were oblivious to Justin's tumultuous thoughts. He hadn't seemed to mind (or notice, really) that they were together. Their meeting Justin could have been a spectacular disaster, but by the end of a perfect evening it barely registered.

Justin, however, couldn't escape their presence. "Hey, Patrick, isn't that your ex?" piped up ADA Lawrence, pointing to the departing couple. Justin turned to see, witnessing Ben's hand ranging freely over her exposed back. Justin cleared his throat and nodded. That was obviously not the touch of a co-worker, even a friendly one. How could she? With _him_? Not to mention the fact it had been two short months. Just two months since they shopped around for apartments together, since he thought they were committed to one another.

Waiting for the valet to bring the Vantage around, Kate shivered. "Are you cold?," asked Ben, opening his jacket as an indication she could have it. Instead of accepting his offer, she slid her hands around his torso and clasped them behind his back, leaning her body into his for a close embrace. "This is fine," she answered with a smile before bestowing a brief peck to his lips. He pulled her in a little more by extending his jacket around her, effectively enclosing her in his arms.

Justin watched it all and seethed.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning, Kate awoke glowing with the satisfaction of new love. For once, she was awake before Ben...but then, she had done a good job of wearing him out last night. He looked so different asleep- boyish, almost, and lacking the fire and frustration that made him so intoxicating to her and so indefatigable in court. She leaned toward him and lightly took his pouty lower lip between hers; she didn't recline back until he was returning her kiss. His eyelids slowly opened on the sight of Kate's radiant smile.

"You look so different while you're sleeping."

"What do you mean?" Ben asked, speech slurred by sleepiness.

"I don't know. Not like the Ben I know. You look..." She paused and giggled. "...sweet."

All of a sudden, energy returned to him: he raised himself up and pulled her closer for a prolonged, passionate kiss. Finally breaking for air, he challenged, "What do I look like now?" Kate pretended to consider him solemnly. "My hot new boyfriend!" she finally declared, releasing a tightly-held laugh. Encircling an arm around him a little tighter, she sighed. "This is just so...easy."

Ben gave her a winsome smile but disagreed. "Katie, there was nothing easy about getting here. Don't you know how much it killed me to see you with Justin? I bared my soul to you, and it terrified me. And then to watch you with him...I didn't understand it."

Kate readjusted so she could look him in the eye. Ben was not good at being vulnerable- she remembered the way he looked at her while he was trying to get a retrial for Leah Farran and the way he shut down after he lost. She recognized the same look in his eyes now and vowed never to be the cause of it again. Not knowing how to put it into words, she thought a kiss would suffice.

The weekend passed in blissful ignorance of the outside world, but Monday eventually arrived and forced Kate and Ben out of the bedroom and into proper clothing. They both had tightly packed schedules, but Ben promised he'd be ready to leave by 6. This was step one of Kate's plan to convince him that he didn't need to be a workaholic to be successful; she'd recently discovered that most of his late-night work consisted of making notes on old cases and retreading the same key points over and over again. She had argued that he was finished with law school and had nothing to prove by obsessively studying, but he had looked at her like she was nuts.

The first item on Ben's agenda for the day was a meeting with the DA to negotiate a plea deal. Ben knew from previous experience with Justin that he'd need to be aggressive, but he was not prepared for what greeted him at the DA's office. He had barely stepped into DA Patrick's office when Justin dealt him a swift punch, nearly knocking him backwards. "What the hell?!" Ben fought the urge to reciprocate- he didn't want to be the guy who punched the DA, and besides, he wasn't a bad boxer back in high school. He could probably do some damage if he wanted to...and he _really_ wanted to.

"How long, huh?"

"What?" Ben had no clue where this was going.

"How long have you been angling to steal Kate? It was you she left me for, right? So how long have you two been making me the fool?"

"Whoa, buddy, slow it down. First of all, you've got your timeline all wrong. Secondly, Kate's not an object. You could as easily steal Kate as the Eiffel Tower." Seeing that Justin wasn't listening, Ben decided to leave before DA Hulk started swinging again. "I'll send over my thoughts on the plea bargain later," he shouted over his shoulder before slamming the door.

Kate was so busy with clients she didn't notice Ben was back until Leo crept into her office and sat gingerly on the edge of a chair in front of her desk. "Kate!" he stage-whispered.

"Why are you acting weird?"

Leo slumped in his chair. "I'm not the one acting weird. Ben is holed up in his office with what appears to be a black eye. I figured you were already resorting to domestic violence, and I wanted to offer my support. I swear, if he gives me that much stuff to copy right before my lunch break ever again..."

"Wait, what?!" interjected Kate. Before Leo could repeat himself, she was on her feet and making a beeline for Ben's office. Shutting the door behind her, she peered down at him. Yep, black eye. "Did you get into a bar fight? What happened to you?"

Ben heaved a sigh. "Well, DA Patrick just doesn't like me very much, as it turns out."

"What." Kate's eyes grew steely. "He didn't."

"Oh, but he did. He thinks I stole you away from him."

Kate couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from curling. "You kinda did..."

"Be that as it may, please don't tell him that. The guy's fist is like a wrecking ball. I haven't had feeling in my face for the last hour."

Kate frowned distractedly. "Do you need ice or something?" Kate was warring internally- she wanted to fret over Ben, but her rage was making it difficult.

"Already did that for a bit. I'm fine."

"I'm going to call him."

"Kate, don't."

"He should know better! We could have him disbarred for this-"

"But we won't. He's a good DA. I'm not interested in ruining anybody's career. He'll cool down, realize what he's done, and apologize. Then this will all be over."

"But he punched you, Ben. That is unprofessional. And undeserved. And mean!"

Ben stood and reached for her. "Calm down. I'm fine, and I really don't care that much. I hold the power now- he knows I could go public with this and ruin his reputation as a cool-headed agent of justice. There's nothing left to do but wait for him to grovel. And I'll enjoy it when he does."

Kate bit her lip and looked at his darkening bruise. "Okay."

Ben exhaled and returned to sit at his desk. "Thank you." He knew being in a relationship with Kate would be interesting, but he had no idea he was signing for up punches to the face.

"Okay, I won't threaten him with a formal complaint. But I'm going to set things straight with him about how things ended. I don't want him to think I cheated on him...though that would just be karmic retribution."

She was out the door before Ben could tell her to stop, had he any real inclination to fight her on it. He knew that once Kate felt strongly about something, she wouldn't let it go. Resigned and mildly irritated by the day's events, he went for more ice.

Kate blew into Justin's office like a tornado. "What is WRONG with you?! How DARE you insinuate I was unfaithful to you!"

Justin kept his head down as he stood and shut the door, refusing to meet Kate's glare. "When I saw the way you were acting last night, I knew. I knew it had been going on a while. So how long were the two of you going at it behind my back, Kate? I deserve to know."

"You don't deserve anything after the childish stunt you pulled today. But for the record-" Here Kate hesitated. It would be the truth to say they'd only been dating for a few weeks. Publicly, a few days. But she realized now that while she hadn't cheated on Justin, she had never been truly with him either. She felt a gnawing ache in her gut. If she hadn't been terrified by the way things were progressing with Ben, if she hadn't been desperate for a reason to stand him up for dinner...then she wouldn't have thrown herself at Justin that night. It had always been Ben. With this realization, she turned away from Justin. "It's complicated," she muttered.

Justin spat out a vindictive laugh. "Sure. It always is with you, Kate. I can't believe it. When I asked if you two were together, more than once I might add, I thought you protested too much. But I will never understand why you acted like we had another chance. That was cruel."

"No, you don't understand. We weren't...we never...there was one moment, one kiss, and he asked me to dinner, but I never went. I promise I would never-"

"You've got to be kidding me. It was that night you came over in that tight little dress to talk about the transit strike, wasn't it? I asked if you had a date. It was with Grogan?"

Kate's silence confirmed everything.

"You used me. Kate, you are such a heartless bitch."

She wanted to explain, to apologize, but she was discovering the truth at the very same moment as Justin. She hadn't known it at the time, but every step she took toward Justin was motivated by fear of her feelings for Ben. She _had_ used Justin. She hadn't meant to, but her lack of awareness would be no consolation to him.

She turned to go, horrified and ashamed at her callous behavior. "I'm so sorry, Justin," she said under her breath before closing the door behind her.

**Note: Will you please read, review, fave, follow, or do whatever it is you like to do? I promise I'll write better and faster if you do. :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Four months later...**

Kate took a seat at her new patio table and enjoyed the morning light playing on the bay. It was the perfect view, made even better by the sight of Ben walking through the French doors with breakfast.

Setting it down before her with an exaggerated flourish, he pronounced it to be a roasted red pepper and goat cheese frittata. Immediately digging in, Kate approved, loudly. "Mmmm. Oh my God, I love you."

"You know, if you keep saying it like that, you're going to diminish it's significance."

Kate snorted with laughter. "Aw, Benedict, it's true! And we both know I wouldn't love you as much if you didn't make me breakfast every morning," she teased.

It had taken no time at all to find a rhythm and a pattern to their relationship. They settled into each other quickly, but Kate didn't find settling into her apartment nearly as easy. This ironwork table and chairs had been her nicest apartment purchase to date, and she had insisted on trying it out that morning. Ben had grumbled about having to pack up all of his groceries to bring over, but even he had to admit it was a lovely day for breakfast al fresco. And it made him happy to see her feeling so at home.

It had taken the better part of six months in her new place, but she finally seemed wholly comfortable with her life. Kate's interactions with Lauren were almost friendly, she was reconnecting regularly with old friends, and she and Justin had recently achieved a civil relationship with one another. (The latter could probably be attributed to Justin's re-entry into the dating pool- and for that, Kate was genuinely pleased. He deserved someone who would be good for him, and she hoped he'd realized it was never her.) All the tumult that had surrounded her since her father's death-and, honestly, since her mother's-seemed to subside. Kate was finally content.

The only uncertainty in Kate's life was where she'd lay her head at night. There was never any set schedule for where they'd end up. Initially, they spent most of their time together at Ben's, but as Kate set up her home a little more, they found themselves splitting their nights equally, if erratically. This meant mornings could be tricky, however. Inevitably, Kate would wake up at Ben's, go home to get dressed, and later find that she'd left her keys or her phone in his place. Ben lost countless ties, socks, and pocket squares, and he suspected most of them ended up squirreled away in some corner of Kate's messy bedroom, never to be seen again.

"Have you seen my red pumps?" Kate called, rummaging around under her bed. "Would they be at your place?"

Having retrieved a long-lost tie and looped it around his neck, Ben heaved an exasperated sigh. "No idea. I don't keep track of your shoes. My brain is home to much more valuable real estate."

"Can you just go look?" Kate whined.

Ben finished knotting his tie and decided to end this three-ring circus once and for all. "Move in with me."

Kate stilled her foraging hand but did not look up from under the bed. After a tremendous pause, she took a deep breath and raised her head. "No."

"Why not, Kate? This is ridiculous. We practically live together already."

"Not that I had any say in that decision."

_Not this again_, thought Ben. Leo had joked early on that Ben had "ensnared Kate through nefarious means," and he had laughed it off. But that didn't mean he didn't occasionally have a niggling feeling that guiding Kate into the apartment next door would bite him in the ass. And here it was.

"I just don't see the point," he muttered.

"I like having my own space. I don't want to be cooped up with you all the time."

"So we'll find a bigger place. Hell, we can try to buy yours and knock out the wall."

"Ben, I don't want that."

"Want what?"

Kate sighed. She loved him, really she did, but she had no interest in doing anything different. "We're good the way we are. I don't want to live with you. What we have now is what I want."

"That's it? You want to live next to me, but never with me? Doesn't that seem a bit stupid?"

"Not at all. It seems very mature. We are independent people, and this suits us."

"Don't speak for me, Katie. Are you suggesting this is as far as it goes for us?"

"Well, yeah. Aren't you happy now? Why would we change anything?"

"Because that's what adults in a committed relationship do, Kate." She noticed the shift from "Katie" to "Kate" and the way his jaw was firmly set. _Just great. Starting the day shoeless and with a fight. _"I am as committed as I will ever be." She meant for that to placate him, but instead he looked incensed.

"So this is it. I am potentially looking at the rest of my life with you, living one door over, owning two toothbrushes. Yeah? Is that right?"

"Yeah...isn't that enough?"

Ben placed his hands on hips and exhaled. "No." He looked down, unable to look at her. "It's not, Kate. And if you think this is all we're capable of being...I'm out. I'm done." Before he could retract his words and hurt himself further, he walked out, leaving Kate utterly dumbfounded.

**Author's note: Please don't be too mad! This is going somewhere, I promise.**


	17. Chapter 17

Stewing in the back seat of a taxi 15 minutes later, Kate replayed their fight in her head. _Did he really just break up with me? Just because I like having my own place?_ She was irate but mostly just confused. He had been so persistent in his pursuit of her and so devoted once he had her. Never in a million years could Kate have imagined him breaking it off with her. _We love each other. Why isn't that enough?_

They avoided one another at the office and narrowly escaped Leo's attempts to bring them together in conversation. As the week wore on, the silence and hurt between them grew thick; it became a wall between them that neither was willing to breach. By Sunday night, Kate was emotionally and mentally exhausted. She could not foresee lasting another week this way. If he wouldn't budge, she'd make him. After tossing and turning in bed, she was confident in what she needed him to understand. Ben didn't seem surprised to see her at his door so late, but he didn't seem delighted either. He let her in without a greeting and returned to his spot on the couch. Following him, Kate turned off the tv and sat next to him.

"We need to talk."

"I agree," he responded flatly, looking straight ahead.

"I don't want us to move in together."

"You've already made that clear."

"But it's not because of you, it's because of me."

Ben, still refusing to look at her, laughed bitterly. "Well, that's the oldest line in the book. Do you have anything new to say?"

Kate pursed her lips. This was not going to way she wished. "I only mean that it's the best thing for both of us if we keep separate residences. You'd get annoyed with me fast, I promise." Pausing for a response and not getting one, she continued: "Ben, moving in together would be the end of us. I've already been down this road before with Justin, and it clearly didn't work out. I'm not going to do it again. Benefit from the knowledge of my experience and trust me on this."

_How can she be so clueless? Doesn't she know I am nothing like Justin? Doesn't she know that we're different?_

He finally turned to look at her, and Kate could discern a slight glimmer in his eyes. _Surely he hadn't been crying. Ben Grogan does not cry, _she thought. She knew he loved her, too, and she was sure he had to cave soon. Instead of answering her, though, he kissed her.

He sought to transfer all of his love for her into that kiss, hoping to get some of it returned. Had she forgotten all they'd been through to be together? Had she forgotten how willing he'd been to change, to bare his soul for her? Ben thought she needed reminding. If he could just show her how much he loved her, how much he needed her, maybe she would stay. Maybe she would make a commitment to him the way he had the moment he met her.

The hard pressure of his mouth on hers took her aback for a moment. Gripping his t-shirt, she attempted to pull him closer, only to have him respond by pushing her into the corner of the couch. Kate whimpered slightly before wriggling into a more comfortable position, running her hands under his shirt and removing it. God, this past week had terrified her. Full of relief at the heat of his touch, she let her mind go blank and her body open up to him. He was kissing her fervently now, as vigorously as a parched man finding water, his hands roaming over her body. It was a fight to remove clothing without breaking apart from one other, but when their bodies joined at last it was a sweet victory. But neither enjoyed it for long. Kate had scarcely come down when Ben untangled her arms from around him. "Now you need to go."

Kate felt the words before she heard them. The fight had gone out of her, and she found herself completely unable to mediate this situation. "You're right," she said softly, gathering her clothes. Walking out, she wondered why she'd said it. She didn't want to accept that this was the end for them; she _wouldn't_ accept it. But until she could devise a way to make him see that, she was out of words.

Another week of agonizing silence passed. By the next Monday, though, the frost between them started to thaw, or so it seemed. They were old Ben and Kate, bickering in the office and driving Lauren insane. Just when things were reverting back to some version of normal, they had a blow-out argument.

"You can't turn everything into a pro-bono pity party, Kate! You're going to run this firm into the ground."

"And whose firm is it, anyway? I don't see _your_ family name on the door!"

"And thank God for that! I may have some alternative methods, but I'd never embezzle money to start a business!"

Kate was livid. She had told him about her father's dealings with David Smith in confidence. "You are disgusting. When I settle this case-and I will- I can't wait to flaunt it in front of you."

"Go get 'em tiger!" he shouted sarcastically, swatting her retreating bottom.

Kate whirled around, red in the face. "That's sexual harassment."

Ben backed up a couple steps, looking smug. "I don't disagree."

Fuming, they entered their respective offices and slammed their doors.


	18. Chapter 18

**PLEASE READ: There is some angry sex in this chapter. If you think that may upset you, or if it's simply not your cup of tea, you can bypass this chapter without missing out on any major plot info.**

As the San Francisco winter became progressively chillier, Ben and Kate's office interactions grew fierier. Skating the line between clever banter and outright bickering, it was reminiscent of their first days together at Reed and Reed. Ben had forgotten how much he liked it- the way a simple lift of her eyebrow could convey so much attitude, her saucy smirk, the change in her stride when she felt triumphant with the knowledge of being morally superior. There was so much fiery energy in that petite figure, not unlike the amount of bombshell curves exploding from such a small package. Kate had always been deceptive and dangerous in this way- despite appearances, there was a lot of her, she could do so much damage. Ben had missed, or hadn't noticed, that look of being on a mission, that look of hers that signified she could be vicious to whoever or whatever might stand in her way. Kate inflamed the office with her energy, and it turned him on.

Kate hit upon a similar realization. Sweet, adoring Ben had been fun in his own way, but there was something infuriating and irresistible about the way he could rile her up. He knew exactly what to say to raise her hackles, and even though she suspected he was playing her, she let his biting words get under her skin. For every grimace he caused, she found herself suppressing a grin. And for every word he shouted at her, he was aware of a playful gleam in his eye that he couldn't stamp out.

Late one evening, after everyone had gone home, they found themselves at it again over what should have been a simple mediation but was turning into a civil suit. Flushed with anger and excitement, Kate found herself arguing in Ben's face, so close their bodies were nearly touching. She wanted to slap him...or kiss him. He was fighting a similar internal battle, enchanted by the flickering passion in her eyes as she delivered sharp words within centimeters of his mouth. As she lifted her hands, as if to throw them up in frustration, he seized her wrists. The action surprised them both, but neither budged. He finally released her, but Kate stayed rooted to the spot.

Ben made no motion to retreat, either. God, he missed her being this close. "We're never going to agree on this. You're wasting your time arguing with me, and you know it. So what's another option?" he challenged.

Kate didn't hesitate: "I don't know how to resolve the dispute, but I can think of one way to work this-" she drew him closer by the tie- "out." Seeing he was allowing her to pull him in, she moved to kiss him, but he resisted.

"Not here. Too much glass. What if the cleaning crew...?"

Kate nodded. "Executive washroom," she said, pulling him out the door.

Barely in the door, she had her fingers in his hair, pulling him down to meet her lips. Kate was ravenous, and nothing would satiate her but him. He relished the familiarity of her body even as a new kind of nervous energy coursed through his veins. He wanted her badly, but this felt wrong somehow. But she didn't allow him any time to think about it, crossing a leg around him and pressing herself to him. He quickly boosted her up onto the marble counter top, planting one hand on her hip while the other forced its way under her skirt. As he shoved aside the material that covered the hot center of her need, Kate stifled a sharp cry- she hadn't realized how much she missed his touch or how thoroughly he could enthrall her. She rocked herself forward to take him fully in, cursing the nights she'd gone without him. She placed one hand back on the counter to steady herself as they climbed higher and higher, until-

"Oh my God." They froze and turned their heads in the direction of Lauren's voice. _Shit._

Kate spoke first. "This isn't what it look-."

"This is exactly what it looks like," Ben interjected. Lauren was already leaving.

The moment was gone. Straightening their clothes, their eyes met in the mirror. Kate's eyes were asking him a question, but for once he couldn't translate it. All he could do was state what his wounded heart was telling him was obvious: "That was the last time."

"Sure it is," Kate responded flippantly before departing. Heading straight for the elevators, she knew he was wrong. The only thing she didn't know was how they'd ever work things out and get back to the relationship they had once had. _Was it even possible? _she wondered as the elevator doors shut. Though Kate escaped without having to face Lauren, Ben wasn't so lucky. Deciding that of his two options, he'd rather avoid Kate, he took his chances by returning to his office and to the work Kate's debate had interrupted. Having sufficiently scrubbed the image of the two of them from mind, Lauren stopped at Ben's door on the way out. Without greeting or hesitation, she spoke. "Don't let this happen again."

"It won't," he responded curtly, not raising his eyes to meet hers. When he didn't volunteer an explanation or apology, she left. If he was going to get over Kate and his disappointment in her, this would have to stop. He mentally prepared a list of what he needed to do: no helping her with cases or asking her for help, no insinuating himself into her business, no chatting over coffee, no more confiding in Leo, no non-necessary conversation during partners' meetings, and certainly no sex. He had to to protect himself, and that meant refusing to hope she might change her mind about him. She had shut down the possibility of any kind of meaningful future for the two of them, and he had to accept that. The only way forward was to cut her out, and until he could find a career move that made sense or she found a different apartment, he'd have to do what he could.

Weeks passed and Ben stuck to his plan. It was frigid in the office, and Kate noticed the change. Since they never seemed to run into each other at work or at home, she tried calling, but he never answered. She was desperate to have him back- in what capacity, she didn't know. She _did_ know that the current situation was untenable for her, though. She'd have to take a more clever approach- studying his schedule while he was out, she hit upon a plan.

The gym was in a converted warehouse. Kate's jersey dress, black tights, and Louboutins were attracting all kinds of appreciative glances from the sweaty, muscled patrons, but she only cared about one of them. Finding him, she took a deep breath and tried to slow her heart rate. Slowly approaching the boxing ring in the back corner, she nearly caused an injury. Of the two men, the one she didn't know took notice of her and only barely staved off a hit before calling off his opponent. Looking Kate over, he smiled wolfishly. "Hey, you want to be our ring girl?"

At that, his boxing partner finally turned around. "Kate. What do you want?" "To talk." Ben waved off the other guy and exited the ring. Walking in the direction of the locker room, Kate clipped after him in her heels. "Leo told me you took up boxing again," she lied.

"Yeah, as it turns out it's great for letting out all kinds of rage, not just the 17 year-old angsty kind." They rounded a corner and entered an unoccupied area with lockers and shower stalls.

"Ben, I miss you. Can't we please figure something out? Some kind of arrangement?," she pleaded.

"Arrangement, huh?" He was still a bit breathless, but he wouldn't have been capable of discussion regardless. She had done something to him, damaged something, and he didn't know how it could be fixed.

He was mulling it over when she placed her arms around his neck. Bringing her face close to his, she murmured exactly the wrong thing: "I want you, Ben. Don't lie to me and say you don't want me, too." For Ben, tormented as he was, this shattered any illusion that their time together had meant anything more to her than sex. And she had let him believe it was love. He suddenly couldn't see straight, his vision clouded by Kate's presence. She had tracked him down only to punch him in the gut again. He was aware of nothing but fury, adrenaline, and her intoxicating closeness. She brought her mouth to his, and she mistook the tension in his body for her own insistent longing.

She tasted the salt on his lips and clamped her hands onto his slick arms. Confused, aroused, he smashed his body against hers, letting his hands move all over her while directing her into a shower stall. His frantic hands pushed up her skirt and ripped her tights unthinkingly. Feeling herself exposed as the rip continued to unravel beneath his fingers, she gasped into his mouth. Lifting her with a firm grasp, Ben crushed her against the stall partition. She cried out for him as he slammed into her. Her nails dug into his shoulders, her heels into the back of his spine. Kate, oblivious to the war in Ben's mind, reached her peak quickly, deliciously. And again. But Ben felt something else. Hurt mixed with anger. Love and lust. Passion and violence.

Afterward, they sank down onto benches opposite one another. Kate felt hazy, studying her ruined tights while catching her breath. She was shaken out of her thoughts by Ben's dull voice.

"We're never doing this again," he said flatly.

A satisfied smile played at the corners of Kate's mouth. "You said last time was the last time," she responded coyly.

"It was."

"So then what was this?"

Though he hadn't been looking at her, he now gave her a steely glance that shot through her. Sweeping his gym bag off the bench, he left abruptly. Blinking back tears, Kate realized she had lost him.


	19. Chapter 19

Kate gave up. Ben clearly wanted nothing to do with her if she wasn't willing to make more of a commitment, but she didn't trust herself to wade in that deep. Frankly, she didn't trust him, either, and that was the crux of the problem. She had one failed marriage on her record, but what did he have? Not even that. He had a string of meaningless flings, a couple hearts broken in his wake, and a fiancee whose treatment of him was probably only as ruthless as he deserved.

When Kate appeared to give her attempts at winning him back a rest, Ben was relieved. She only wanted him on her own very limited terms, and when he discovered that he wanted more he simply couldn't settle for less. It was painful to admit, but he loved her wholly and truly. No halfhearted commitment would do; if she didn't feel as strongly, he wanted her to let him be.

But even as she kept her distance, he felt her seeping in. Like with the case he was currently working on: a wrongful termination suit. He was representing a woman who had been fired by a retail establishment while she was pregnant. Of course her employer claimed she wasn't fired _because_ she was pregnant, but rather because she was incapable of fulfilling the duties of the job. Statements from other employers would refute this, however. _When did I start taking on clients like this? And why do I care as much about her as I do about the win? _Ben was never one to shy away from a potentially lucrative contingency case, but bleeding heart stuff like this...

As much as Kate had hurt him, he realized he owed her something. But at this rate, he'd never be comfortable telling her. His debt of gratitude would just have to keep him in the red with her.

Each lost in their own solitary anguish, neither Ben nor Kate were aware of the drama unfolding in Lauren's life. It took them both by surprise when she called them for a meeting in her office and shut the door behind him. Looking nervous and shaky, not at all like herself, she urged them to sit while she paced. She shared what she knew about Archer, which, despite their ongoing romance, wasn't much: he was being investigated by the FBI and she had refused to cooperate. Without her help, the FBI had continued to build a case against him, and now she was being called in to give a deposition. "But I don't know anything. I don't," Lauren insisted to her dumbfounded partners. "I have nothing to say that could implicate him, but even if I did...I don't think I could bring myself to..."

Kate stood and placed an arm around Lauren's shoulder and guided her to a chair. She shot a worried glance at Ben, who shook his head in disbelief. This was not like Lauren. Kate was always the one who let her fancies run away with her, never buttoned-up Lauren. And yet, Lauren was falling apart, begging for Kate's support. Kate had no idea what to do- despite being a rock for her clients, Kate had no clue how to be there for the woman she'd spent so much time detesting. Ben saw her distress. Glancing from Kate to the utterly devastated Lauren, he cleared his throat and swallowed the bitter hurt he'd been carrying around for the past few months. "We'll be there, Lauren. We'll accompany you to the deposition. You'll answer all their questions the way you just spoke to us- honestly." Lauren seemed no calmer. Going to her and speaking softly, he continued: "You don't know anything, so you can't hurt him." At this, Lauren looked up at both of them and murmured her gratitude.

Convinced that Lauren seemed relatively soothed, they walked back to their respective offices in a composed silence. They would have to come together, for Lauren and for the firm. This problem was so much bigger than the two of them; whatever they held against one another seemed insignificant in the face of such a serious challenge.

When Ben left his office that evening, Kate ran to meet him on the steps. "Ben, we can't do this anymore. And I don't want to."

If was the first time she'd spoken directly to him since the gym. "If you're ready to go, I can drive you home and we can talk."

Something about the stress from the day and the tight, enclosed space of the car made their feelings bubble to the surface and overtake them. Confessions came spurting out nervously, half-shaped and hardly coherent. Kate spoke of the heartache that followed her home from the gym that day. Ben chastised himself for causing her so much pain, apologized for using her in that way. Kate admitted to becoming alternately teary and furious at the dry cleaners the week prior- the clerk had automatically handed over both her stuff and Ben's, causing her unutterable distress. Before she could correct him, she noticed a scorch mark on a pocket square and promptly lit into the poor young man. "It was such a silly little thing, but I got so mad! I just unloaded on him," Kate said through laughter and tears. "Oh, Ben, I care about you too much. I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm not ready for more with you. But I _want_ to be."

"Do you? Because I can't go through each day wondering if you feel for me the way I feel for you."

In that moment, a realization hit her. He had never just been mad about the living together issue. By rejecting that single idea, she had caused him to question everything. Possibly he'd been doing it all along- hadn't she always taken more time, needed space before returning his feelings in kind? She looked at him with a new understanding. "Don't ever doubt that I love you, even when I don't act like it."

Their conversation lasted well past the drive home and well into the night. Ben confessed that she had changed him, and it scared him. Her influence challenged him to be better- in the law and in life. She promised to think about the future, rather than letting it come to her day-to-day. A compromise was reached: they'd start again, but this time the lines of communication would be totally open. Ben wanted the next step, and Kate agreed to move in...eventually. No timetable was set, and Ben wouldn't pressure, but she would contemplate it and let him know when she was ready.

They also established new rules for the sake of everyone else: they'd be strictly professional at work, even after hours. In the office, there would be no P.D.A. or acknowledgement of each other as anything other than co-workers. This should shield Leo and Lauren from the messy drama they'd been party to lately. Of course, neither Kate nor Ben had ever been particularly good at abiding by rules. The very next day, Kate was greeted in her office by a vibrant flower arrangement. The note read simply: "Does this count as a public display of affection? Love, Ben."

She could see his self-satisfied smirk as she read it. They were back.

**Please visit my new story, "Season 4." It's the sequel!  
**


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